took me a month but its fucking done!
Back story, 12 years ago when I was still living the dream back in the O.C. the kid two doors down got a game called Starcraft. Summer turned into hibernation and my life was changed forever. Mind you this was the days of the super Nintendo getting phased out by N64. Golden Eye was taking the world by storm, and Bob Dole was about to suck Bill Clintons cock. Erik Schmidt, after a long 7 year journey was about to graduate high school. Now during summer in California half the time it’s pretty much a health risk to go outside, so video games ruled the indoors, right next to nerf guns. So a lot of my time as a kid was spent doing these two things. (if only I knew about masturbation.) However, on a hot sunny, sweaty balls kind of day my good friend Worth (yes that’s his real name, pwnd by parents!) brought over Starcraft to my other friend's Josh, since he had the internet and that was rare back then. One week later, Armageddon. Starcraft took over 95% of my time. (Other 5%, shitting and eating.)
Flash forward 12 years, still playing Starcraft. Who can say they truly been ripping a game for that long. On July 27th 2010, at 00:23hrs I had in my hands the one thing I have wanted most for those whole 12 years. As I held Starcraft 2 in my hand all I could think is this is the second best moment of my life. (Number getting my dick wet for the first time, thank you Tara Tanaka) the 49 minutes that I spent waiting in line at midnight were the longest of my life for sure, but worth every second.
Now the review,
For real though, this is the best game I have ever set my hands on to date, bar none. Mind you I have played all the greats. If you have played vanilla Starcraft then you have a good grasp on what Starcraft 2 is like. The basic view point that Blizzard had on their five year journey of producing Starcraft 2 was "If it’s not broke, don’t fix it." Some might think that, that’s a queer way of making a sequel but, go fuck yourself! Everything in this game has the highest amount of polish that you will ever find in a video game. With a six month long online beta Blizzard tweaked the fuck out of everything in the game. Best production value in video games history, in my opinion. There is a catch to all of this though; Blizzard did have the foresight to know that this game will be played for quite a while. That being said, to run the game on its best settings you need a mean fucking machine. I was over-estimating my computers strength, and Starcraft 2 threw it on the kitchen table and raped its butt hole with no lubricant.
On the very next day, new computer. Now that I can play this game on high settings let me tell you its pure sweet angel pussy. Playing this game online is pretty much a way of life. It’s a true pwn or be pwnd world. Truthfully I have been slacking on this review for quite a while. Online is eating up my life.[Unconfirmed heart attack] To keep this short and sweet, Starcaraft 2 has a very engaging story, one that lets you pick what to do and how you want to do it. There are Lots of cut-scenes. Every mission, which there are 29, of has a [cut scene] before and after to explain the story. There are 4 cut scenes which are of the highest quality there is - on a side note I watched a youtube video "tour of blizzard studios" and they said a 4 minute video takes them the better part of a year to complete. Once you complete the story you feel accomplished, like you did something worth while.
On to Multiplayer, this is the big draw of Starcraft 2. If you are unfamiliar with the strategy genre then look it up, im not going to explain everything for you Jimmys. Simply you collect resources to build shit and freaking pwn. All of this is done over Blizzards online network Battle.Net, which has the most users on the planet, far more than Xbox Live. Battle.Net got quite the update for Starcraft 2. When you play online you will have to play 5 games, after those 5 game you will be placed in a league, your placement is judged by your score and whether you won or not. There are 5 different leagues, Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum, and Diamond. The first 3 you can get into if your a competent player like myself, the last 2 however you will need to know your shit and have multiple back up plans for when the shit hits the fan. All these leagues have different categories for 1v1, 2v2, 3v3, and 4v4. Not only that, if you rip [Starfracft II] with some friends, you and your friends get a rating. It’s the perfect game to play with your buddies and just trash some nubfarm.
Aside from the normal online melee games there are the custom games, this is tricky to explain but with the map editor that comes with the game people can make their very own games. This is a big deal for many people. Examples of these would be tower defense and tug of wars. There is no shortage of games, also now that the game has been out for almost a month there are some pretty in-depth games out there.
So closing comments, this has been worth the 12 year wait. This game will be around for a very long time. It’s fucking awesome. I love it. I actually haven’t turned on my Xbox for a month because of Starcraft II. Go buy it, but buy a computer that can run it too, because it’s some pretty shit hands down.