While playing an ass ton of Halo Wars the last 3 days I kept a journal of the most pwnn events ever. Unedited, these are the true stories ...
August 21, 2010
Day two of the Halo Wars pwnfest diary. Somebody said they were going to call the TV Shot "Intervention" on me. To get me off the Halo Wars? C'mon, I'll be addicted to Reach and FF14 in two weeks so just relax.
Woke up, had a bowl of Cheerios and read my email. Got a fresh pot on and had two cups while I wrote a story about Reach and the new weapon and maps I saw. Then I get the infamous "Pwn!" text from Estrada. All units!
First two matches we won. Some Jimmys tried to rush us and got killed. Then we parked an Elephant and built a barracks just outside one of the Jimmys' base and started pumping out foot soldiers. We over ran him with 3 barracks right next to his base. Don't rush next time bitch.
Just got railed by a Brute leader. The Brute leader is a pwnr. He must go immediately.
2:17 pm Waiting for next match.
2:50 2 Brutes railed! Maybe the flame thrower guys rail the Scarab. I had 35 of them on the field and 3 Spatans. That Scarab went down in flames in less than a minute. I got off to a good start on defense, so when the offensive opportunity rose, we rushed the Jimmys and took out two Scarabs and everything else they had. PWND!
Waiting for next match. I had a completely wrong start during this match. The plan was to rush, but I had no Elephant. Nubfarm. We have to rush the tanks. That match was all my fault.
Pro tip: When using Cutter, put an Elephant on the field.
3:21 pm Waiting for next match. Wow another failed rush attempt. This time the plan was to rush up the middle, but the AI controlled Jimmys guarding the central bonus tower raiped us. By the time we made it through the Jimmy had tank with Spartans coming out. He was Cutter! I'm sick of the tanks and the Spartans. That Shit ends right away!
3:38 pm Waiting for next match. Got railed by two covenant Jimmys. They caught our rush and we got pwnd. Now we think we have a better idea. The plan is to build the army right next to our base and then airdrop our guys right next the enemy base. I just like the idea of building right away.
4:10 pm That was a fast match. We're trying to strategies to avoid getting railed by certain combinations. Each time we think we have new idea, there's some new variable in the next match that we didn't plan for and we get fucked. That time, I don't think we expect to run into both leaders with our Elephants. So we have to be ready for that now. I think we might have been too greedy at the beginning of the match.
1:47 am I haven't slept today yet, so it's still technically Day 2 of the pwnfest diaries. I did take a little break, had a few drinks, watched some porn, skipped the shower and now ... Back on the Halo Wars.
Just railed the fuck out of two Jimmys with a brilliant rush Tactic. Team Gouki FTW. Waiting for next match. The plan went wrong when the Jimmy on the other team drove right between our two bases and built one of his own. Right next to us. So our rush failed because he had tanks up our ass and our squad were on the other side of the map. At one point I was torn to move my Spartans back to the base or keep them attacking. Things might have been different if I had moved them for defense.
2:12 am Double resignation. This is another one not for the journal.
2:36 Now we just made two Jimmys quit. Couldn't handle it that time. Mixin' anotha drink. Pwnn again! Waiting for next match. I'd like to get on that city level that one is bad ass.
3:22 am Estrada just "lagged out" of the match. I had no chance against covenant nuabs with planes. Jimmys sucks. Waiting for next match.
3:52 am Wow ... Just beat the Jimmy out of the Jimmy with 3 scarabs. Hawks and Flame throwers.
4:11 am 2 in a row! Cutting off the drinking.
4:36 am Fuck it, I'm having a beer. Pabst Blue Ribbon, it's like water. So this won't hurt me. I haven't been caught still drinking when sun comes up in a long, long ... a week. Never mind. I'm afraid I might have a heart attack some day like Bad Shot. Good thing I didn't get the Starcraft II. Because if it is like Halo Wars, just WAY MORE INSANE. Mix that with some Reach and FF14. You gotta pick your poison Jimmy. We all do.
By the way, raiped the last two Jimmys, trying to Spartan/tank rush us. Waiting for next match.
5:45 am A few matches in a row of straight pwnn. I finished that beer. The sun is coming up. Halo Wars diaries. This is a true story.
Waiting for next match. Wow in less than 14 minutes we were over ran that time.
Its bright outside. I feel alive.
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