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jalexbrown

Worst Games #2

By: jalexbrown Oct 5, 2009 | 190 Views | 4 Comments

This game is so notoriously bad that you'll wish you could find it still!

So I did an article earlier last week about Worst Game #1: Final Fantasy X-2.  The article caught a slight amount of backfire from people wanting to know if Final Fantasy X-2 is really one of the worst games; of course the answer is a definite no.  So this time I'll address a game that really is the absolute worst game I've had the misfortune of touching in my entire life: Big Rigs Racing for the PC.

Some people - if you've been living under a rock - haven't heard of Big Rigs Racing.  First off, let me get this out of the way: it was a budget game.  We all know that there's a reason budget games are budget games (let's exclude the NFL 2K series; those were very good budget games).  But once you play Big Rigs, if you ever have the misfortune of playing Big Rigs, you'll understand exactly how good a budget title can be; at the very least, you'll appreciate the fact that even most budget games - hell, most Barbie or Mary Kate and Ashley games - are at least finished products; this is not the case with Big Rigs.

The immediate problem comes from the box itself, which takes pride in blatant misadvertising.  There are no police as the box claims; in fact, the whole word "Racing" should be excluded from the title entirely.  Why, you ask.  Well, there really is no racing in Big Rigs.  The game had no AI.  The "opponent" truck sits at the starting line and goes nowhere.  Does it matter?  Not really, because I can't even imagine how bad the AI would be if it were present.

At this point I should mention something else bothering about the game: there is absolutely, 100 percent no clipping in this game.  You can drive through everything; in fact, the clipping is so totally absent that the bridges in the level aren't even real.  You'll sink under them when you drive onto them.  I'm not sure if this was the developers idea of being trippy, or perhaps they were trying to make a deep yet misunderstood commentary about society - aka the cake isn't real - but the point, whatever it was intended to be, is missed by me.

At this point you might be inclined to believe that at the very least the driving mechanics have to be decent.  Well, if you can drive a semi up a mountain without losing momentum, then the mechanics are amazing.  If you can reverse a semi and accelerate infinitely, then the mechanics are amazing.  If you've ever driven right off the face of the Earth, the driving mechanics are amazing.  If all these things seem beyond idiotic, then you should pass on Big Rigs.

On last point I feel is worth mentioning: the game contains five levels, but it seems the developers only found four of them important enough to allow you to play, because there's one level in the game that will crash you back to your desktop without so much as an excuse.

There's a point to be made here.  Big Rigs is the definition of a game that isn't a game at all.  It's a loose assortment of non-working parts put together by kids who got tired of coloring with crayons during kindergarden.  And if any part of this ever seemed like a good idea for even a second, then those kidergardeners should really think about special placement.

[Editor's note: here's a video demonstration of this monstrosity:]

Community Blog

jalexbrown

Worst Games #1

By: jalexbrown Sep 23, 2009 | 220 Views | 10 Comments

I'm going to do a new editorial segment called Worst Games, which is me ranting about some of the worst games I've ever played. Each article will cover a game and tell why I hated it so much.

So when I decided that I wanted to do this Worst Games series of articles, I had to rummage through all the games I've played and decide which games I think were the absolute worst ones.  Now, for the first segment, I thought I'd start with a game that I really have a hard time saying I can't stand, because it comes from one of my all-time favorite franchises.

I'm a Final Fantasy nerd; I own almost every Final Fantasy game made to date, and if there's a black sheep in the franchise, it's Final Fantasy X-2.  The casual fans may not know what I'm talking about, but I think the more dedicated Final Fantasy fans already know why I hate this game so much.

It starts with Final Fantasy X.  I enjoyed Final Fantasy X; it wasn't one of the best in the series, but it was a respectable title nonetheless.  The story dragged on in places, but the overall experience wasn't bad at all.  In other words, it didn't need a direct sequel.  Square-Enix, however, decided that it did need a sequel, so we got Final Fantasy X-2.  When you pop this game in the first time, you're greeted with what could perhaps be the most cheesy, most annoying opening sequence Square has ever delivered.  Picture Yuna, Rikku, and a new girl named Payne as three wanna-be Britney Spears singers, and you've got the opening sequence.  I'm not making that up; I really, really wish I was, though.

I've got to be honest; the concept alone made me not play too much of this game.  Maybe the gameplay is great, but the concept is too damn stupid for me to feel compelled to play it.  I do know the game is more open-ended and non-linear.  What stupid designer thought Final Fantasy needed to be open-ended?  C'mon...when I'm playing Final Fantasy, I want to be compelled by the story to the point that I don't mind it being linear.  If the story is so terrible that they had to open up the gameplay to make it compelling...well, that says something bad about it.

Oh yeah...and did I mention that Yuna has guns now?  How did it happen that the most powerful summoner in Final Fantasy X end up needed freaking guns in X-2?  She's a summoner for pete's sake; she doesn't need guns!

Anyways, my animosity towards this game is starting to show, so I guess I'll wrap it up.  The concept sucks, Square decided to jack the great Final Fantasy gameplay all around to make the game open ended, and...well...the game stars not one, not two, but three chicks.  Not trying to be sexist, but there doesn't seem to be a decision in this game that was good.

 

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