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EA Sports Bar Las Vegas Review

By: goukijones Apr 4, 2012 | 4 Comments

Today we checked out the new EA Sports Bar in Las Vegas. The Cosmopolitan is the place to be if you want to play some Madden's with you friends on the Strip.

Today Team Gouki visited the EA Sports Bar in Las Vegas, inside the Cosmopolitan on Las Vegas BLVD. We already knew from a Google before we went there, there would be no actual food. What we didn't know is that there wouldn't be an actual bartender. The no bartender sucked only because there wasn't actual booze. Everything was served in a bottle. "Jack Daniels Jack & Cola" Is not Jack & Coke, which it states they have on the menu. is a Jack and Coke operation, so yeah, I had to speak on that. Here's a look at the menu. On the left are the package offers and on the right you can see the list of games available to rent. $10 per hour.  

All of the packages include 1 hour of gameplay. You can probably play as many different games as you want. We only played Fifa. How do you shoot in that fuckin' game? The Hat Trick says Jack and Coke and the menu should say Jack and Cola in a bottle. That ain't right Jimmy. We were there for about 2 hours, played for 1. Had 2 "Jack and Colas" and 4 beers. Our total bill was $60. That included a BIG $6 tip. Beers we're $6-9. There was no sign of a happy hour in sight. We didn't have any food, because it's all salty finger foods. That's kinda gross when you're sharing controllers and sucking on your fingers. I asked 2 employees what they do to clean the equipment, especially the controllers. Both gave similar responses.  

"I don't know what they to do to clean them." Was the common response. 

Who is they? When I watched an employee put our controllers away, they did nothing, just put it back on the chargers. Ew. So yeah, I'm not gonna eat while I'm there. 

The environment is great. Ton's of TV's and live sports playing on the surround sound. Our TV had us looking right out onto the Las Vegas Strip. This could be distracting when very very short shorts would walk by. Not the nuab you see in image below.  

(BTW that's BatRastered himself pimpin' in all these pictures.)  

At night it must be wonderful experience. We had a good time with our beers and playing the Fifa. Everyone was very nice. Roombi (hope I spelled that right) was cute and very nice to us, she set us up at our station. The rest of the staff seemed bored to be there. I don't blame them. The place was empty, other than some Jimmys playing the foosball and the occasional employee of the Cosmopolitan that stopped by to see the new place.   

I don't know what they have to offer in the long run. Only EA sports titles really limits the crowd. What if you're not a sports fan and would like to play some Mass Effect or even better, some Battlefield. Obviously tournaments are planned and I'm sure there will be some parties here and there. Local games won't be going there to eat, drink or game though. Unless there is some major tournament.  

It's hard to see any real reason to go back . It's not a bar, there wasn't even a sink or a drain BatRastered made sure to point out. The place had to previously be a retail space, because the more I looked at how the "bar" was set up, the more it looked like a gift shop.  

Big ups for bringing this to Las Vegas. I wish it well. I'm glad to see arcades coming back someway or another. We also have Insert Coins Downtown. That place is a full on arcade bar. Unfortunately they didn't have beer tapped or food either. What's the deal? If I was running one of these joints, I would have beer on tap and options for food you could eat that you don't have to touch. 

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Halo Reach Campaign Review

By: BatRastered Sep 20, 2010 | 5 Comments

Bungie's last Halo game goes out with a bang.

Prequels tend to suffer from the problem that the technology has advanced even though the events in the story take place earlier. Halo Reach is no exception. The Spartans in Reach have abilities that the Master Chief did not. The armor abilities include sprinting, flying around with a jet pack, a bubble shield (as first appeared in Halo 3 as equipment), invisibility, a holographic clone, and armor lock (an ability that locks your armor down making you temporarily invulnerable but also immobile). Some of the advancements are actually explained a bit, but only if you have the collectors or  legendary edition and the desire to read through all the stuff that comes with it.

The story actually does have some nods to those who have been following the Halo universe beyond the game, including the appearance of Dr Halsey, whom I'd imagine most players wouldn't know from Jimmy. 

A nice touch is that the points and leveling system from the multiplayer works in the campaign too. You earn points for killing covenant and beating levels just like you would from killing and winning multiplayer matches.  You can also play through the campaign in co-op up to four players with either competitive or co-operative scoring enabled.

You play as Noble-6, the newest member of a six spartan special forces team (Noble team) tasked to investigate a disturbance at a research facility on the Planet Reach. Reach, if you didn't know already, is the HQ planet for the UNSC and is where the Spartans were created. Think of it as the Halo version of the Pentagon. The point is, it's a very important military world for the UNSC, and as you may have guessed the disturbance you are sent to investigate turns out to be Covenant related.

If you've been paying any attention to the Halo story at all, you know how this game ends already, as the beginning of the original Halo is the escape of Master Chief from the invasion of Reach aboard the Pillar of Autumn. Halo Reach goes to some lengths to fill in the backstory of how and more importantly why the Autumn fled and found the first ring.

Along the way, you will pair with various members of Noble Team through the games  9 levels. For instance, you will team with Jun the sniper specialist on a recon mission at night. This provides some nice variety to the missions, and for the first time in a Halo game, we even get some outer space combat. It's relatively short and very simple (only two types of enemy fighters to take out, and some targets on the big ship to disable). All in all, a nice breather from the constant firefights you face on the surface.

The difficulty levels provide about what you'd expect. Easy is laughable as you can take two fuel-rod cannon shots to the face while you viciously beat down an elite commander with the butt of your rifle. Normal is not very challenging unless you forget to fire your weapon like a Jimmy or let yourself get surrounded. Heroic is tough, but fair. You will have to plan your way through certain groups of enemies, four elite zealots in a room will force you to think really hard to outsmart them and take them down one at a time. Legendary  adds a bunch of tweaks like making an elite sniper invisible. On legendary, you need to really take your time even to take out a pack of grunts.

The end is awesome, and without spoiling anything, you'll likely want to play the very last level on legendary with a group of 4 a few times. It's bad-ass.

Oh, and I hear Reach comes with a pretty good competitive multiplayer game too.

Verdict: Buy it



BioShock Infinite Pro-Tips & Review

By: goukijones May 8, 2013 | 1 Comments

GoukiJones shares his secrets to playing BioShock Infinite on Hard. Also gives his take on whether you should, Buy, Rent or Flush it!

BioShock Infinite Pro-Tips:

  1. Use Possess. Wait for that enemy to die or kill himself. Hit the next enemy with Possess, wait for him to die or kill himself. Do this until everyone is dead. 
  2. Out of Ammo, Salts or in need of Health? Just wait for Elizabeth to throw it to you. She'll even toss you Rockets. What? She hasn't tossed you anything in a while? You could be fucked, try back tracking a little & have her hide in a different area, she'll keep throwing you stuff.
  3. Level up whatever guns you like using most. You can't level up every gun. Stick with what works. Side note: Upgrades (other than additional ammo) seemed worthless anyway. For a 1999 achievement you can't even use vending machines. That makes me think the guns are even more irrelevant.
If you need more help, check this out.
Get that guide on sale: $23.11
BioShock didn't leave me with any great memories. I think Tomb Raider was way more fun to play. BioShock Infinite really missed out on the Big Daddy hunts. Yeah there are the Handymen to battle, but those fight were whack & there's only like 4-5 of them. 
There's no reason to back track in the game. It's very straight forward. 
Combat was bland as well. The guns didn't feel great & weren't very fun to shoot. Plus I was just possessing most of the Jimmys & letting them do all the work. I didn't use much of the other Salt power things either. Elizabeth was cool & I love how she HELPS you. Her AI was great, unfortunately the AI of the Jimmys you were fighting against wasn't too great. Maybe they should have saved some for them. Bad guys pretty much just shot back from where ever they were. I never saw anything smart. & the Handyman were Zzzzzzz, like I said, he would just rush you down, so you just run away, turn around & shoot. Big disappointment. 
You could beat this game on hard fairly quickly & with not much of a challenge. Fighting the ghosts was the toughest battle for me. But then I adapted to that soon enough & that wasn't challenging either. 
I like the Skyhook stuff, that's 1 of the coolest was to get around in any game that I've seen in a while. Doesn't do much for the rest of the game tho. I didn't like BioShock Infinite, but I don't hate it either. You should Rent it. 


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Deus Ex Human Revolution Review and Exclusive LOL videos

By: goukijones Sep 8, 2011 | 3 Comments | Updated: Sep 8, 2011

Deus Ex Human Revolution is the most ambitious game I have played in years. Action/Stealth RPS at it's finest. Ever thought of a verbal boss fights? Tons of replayability and tons of laughs. Read my exclusive thoughts on DXHR and check out 5 lol videos.

I figure I better start to write about Deus Ex. This is my review. I’d rather just show you videos of the AI though. I’m playing it on “Give Me Deus Ex” which is the hardest difficulty setting. I have been completely surrounded by enemies, they’ve held their guns right over my head as I hid behind a short couch. The classic GoukiJones Freeze technique works like a charm in this game. As soon as you are spotted, just hide behind the closet corner or wall. This is as simple as pressing the left trigger. They’ll never find you and in a matter of minutes, they go back about their business. Fuck me, one time I shot a guard dead in front of another guy from behind cover, the guy watching turned around and walked away after a few minutes. “I guess it was nothing.” The guard says. “I’ll have to keep my eyes open.” The entire time I’m crouched behind the same exact wall I originally shot from. Nubfarm.

Pro-tip: Save your money and always buy the Praxis from the LIMB store. Their 5K each, you can get 2 each time you visit a city and 1 in the final level. The only other thing I would say to buy is the hacking worms and nukes. Oh and frag grenades raip bosses and killing bosses is okay, even if you’re going after the pacifist. So buy frags. Grenades FTW!

I beat the Deus Ex on hard in less than 24 hours. Not continuously of course. I must say, it has to have the worst endings I’ve seen this year and I’ve beat some crap games this year. Four very similar videos play for each ending with a voice over from Adam Jensen. The videos show starving children, blooming flowers, people at work, city skylines … it didn’t make any sense. Just stock footage of nonsense. Adam Jensen is just talking gibberish with an attitude toward which ever ending you choose. Pretty sad and not in any sort of entertaining way. Jimmy ass!

You definitely should give DXHR a try, you might like it, you might not. The sneaking around is like Splinter Cell, but shooting mechanics in the game are really bad. Just get close enough with the shotgun or the stungun and you’ll be fine, blind fire from a corner works like a charm. Although, I’d recommend just sneaking pass every single Jimmy possible. They have no idea you’re even there and as soon as their line of sight turns away, you can crouch right next to them and they'll never even know. Oh dear I’m rambling about the AI again.

The graphics in DXHR are decent, it’s hindered by the stupid stuff that the AI does. Like if you scare a bunch of people around you, they just hunch over like scared little rabbits. Jump off a rooftop and stun a group of civilian Jimmys and the just stiffly fall over. The world isn’t living and breathing like a RDR or even Mass Effect, which has a similar system of characters just standing around creating atmosphere. Of course you can’t just pull your gun out and shoot random Jimmys on the citadel. The city designs are cool and you visit 4 different locations, 2 of them twice. The problem with the cities is that it still feels like you’re in a box. Deus Ex HR2 needs more life in the citizens and more openness to the city hubs. How about that bike in Pritchard's office?

Did you know a few hubs were scratched because somebody didn’t want the game delayed. Wait so you had your team conceptualize and get halfway done with even more content, to make this game even bigger and you said, never mind, lets ship it now. I expect some DLC hubs at this rate, especially if they were half way done. More of Montreal and India even. Cool.

Sound and visual effects in the game lead me to my same take, this game is going to be way better as a sequel and I can’t wait to play it. Concussion grenades, giant robots, Jensen jumping off high structures and doing the whole Iccarus landing system thing … all very cool. The voice acting on the other hand is insulting to all human beings around the world.

It doesn’t make sense to me in that, a hillbilly redneck, a Chinaman(That only speaks Chinese) and a black guy that sounds like Samuel L. Jackson are all hanging out together in this future China, protecting some Chinese Triad Jimmy in a parking garage basement. Did I mention the reference to Mexican town early in the game? Mexican town? Really?

As far as the story goes for DXHR, I don’t care too much. If you know my play style, I’m usually too eager to get back into the action and mostly skip all the talking. I’ll find out where I have to go and what I need to do, in the mission log. I can read Jimmy. DXHR has 3 different types of talking scenes. There are the verbal boss fights where you have to talk them into something and you can fail or get reward with a [Silver Tongue 1000] EXP. You can't skip any of those scenes at any point and their like 7-8 minutes long. Zzzzzz.  Cut scene and cinematics = start button and then A to Skip, heard. Then there is just regular chatting that you can blaze through Dragon Age style and just respond. Here’s a great example of me playing the story. You also get to see the invincibility frames that Adam Jensen seems to have in a lot of his moves.

Buy it! I played through Deus Ex Human Revolution 3 times and I want to go again. Apparently I set an alarm off somewhere during my last run and that really pisses me teh fuck off Jimmy! I got a ton of videos. I’m totally hyped about the DLC and sequel. When I saw this game at E3 it made me laugh and it still made me laugh while playing it. Leveling up Adam Jensen and sneaking around the entire game is a blast. Don’t be a Jimmy!

The PricePWNr is promising 23.4% savings on Deus Ex Human Revolution at the time this article is being posted. And that’s a deal Jimmy. Stolen!


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The Conduit 2 Review

By: reipuerto Jun 30, 2011 | 10 Comments

Will Michael Ford stop the alien invasion or be destroyed?

The sequel to one of the Wii's under-appreciated games gets a great update, story and gameplay. Published by SEGA and developed by High Voltage Software, if you own a Wii, check this out!

Story- You play as Michael Ford, who's voiced by the talented Jon St. John(Duke Nukem Jimmy!!), and it's your duty to save the world and stop John Adams from an alien invasion. This story continues right after the first one. You followed Adams through the conduit and the story unfolds with amusing and interesting twists! You land inside Atlantis and use it's conduit to travel and stop Adams, with the help of Andromeda and the new The Destroyer suit. It's a fun experience that changes the way you look at Prometheus and his “good” intentions. I won't spoil anything here but it's a fun experience that'll take you to different location form China and their Jade Warriors to the arctic tundra of Siberia! You'll travel from place to place all over the world.

Gameplay- “BOOM!! Head shot!!” Tight, fluid and fast, with it's own special sauce from High Voltage Games. It's a first person shooter that you point to the screen and destroy baddy for lunch and dinner. Each weapon has a secondary fire and can really make you feel like a super agent from the future. What I love about this series is their choices of weapons and how they implement their special fire. The regular human weapons have iron site, which works well with the tight controls. The alien's weapons have such a diverse use of fire, it makes you appreciate High Voltage Games choice of weapons and experimentation of them. One gun doesn't use ammo, so your shoots are unlimited and you can charge it to become invisible for a short while, but it'll freeze up your gun if you say in that mode. How do you fix that? Start shooting. The gun heats up when shot but cools when charged. Great balance and it's just one of the many weapons that you'll encounter, like a gun that shoots through walls. Grenades are still there and they can really help you in pressuring fights. The use of WiiMotin Plus is only used for on screen cursor if moved TOO far, which I didn't have a problem to begin with. You can even upgrade your armor suit and use those power ups to make the fight more enjoyable as the game progresses. Now, online!

Online- The game supports a whooping 14 game modes across 12 different maps and nice ranking, WITH the support of the new microphone headset, and 12 players going wild, you're truly missing out on one of the Wii's most enjoyable online experience! They even include an online mode called “Invasion Mode” which is fight to survive ways of enemies. With the addition of individual perks and team perks, you'll be surprised on how divers each match could be.

Sound- Great audio work from Jon St. John giving Ford's character more personality. It makes me feel like I'm playing as Duke Nukem at some points! But sound effects from the weapon sound great. Head shots are crunchy, and voice work from everyone else is not bad. The sound track does give some heart pounding music and tension in every boss fight, and the levels themselves are not too shabby! Bright and detailed design and color make is easy on the eyes.

Graphics- High Voltage Software know how to use the Wii. With more color pallet and distinctive level design, each stage is a new experience and sight. Granted, this is not a PS3 or Xbox360 game, so the game does look good in it's own merits. Minor graphical detail in some places but that's just nitpicking.

Overall- BUT IT! With an exciting single player experience and online one of the best, you'll be playing this with friends for hours! I'm now stroked what SEGA and High Voltage Software will have in store for the next game~

Personal opinion here, so skip to the Jimmy notes for a gist of my review.

Reviewers have stated that there is a bug in the save feature and that's NOT true. What turns me away from other editors is the lack of gameplay skills and knowledge they have. The glitch are save points that save when you die. Nope. Only if you run PAST the enemies or jump off a cliff into the next area, the game is programed to autosave in new areas, but you're suppose to defeat the enemies which contradicts the nature of the game, and go down the given path. Seriously! These reviewers, in my opinion, are lazy and just want to get their review out “FIRST”, like every comment on every page, to get more hits! Rather than enjoy a game and what it has to offer in their years of development process and be late on a review, to give a full detail on what they're trying to accomplish and deliver.

Jimmy Notes


  • Great online
  • Great design and art work
  • Tight controls
  • Awesome guns
  • Good replayability


  • Cliff hanger ending

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