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It's true. The first time saw/heard of Mark of the Ninja was at PAX 2012. GoukiJones sat down immediately to play. A Ninja in a MetroidVania world with an absolute brilliant art direction. How can you go wrong. GoukiJones had to try this out.

Thank god we spend a ton of money every year to go to PAX. I'm not sure if I would have caught this game during it's actual release. Which is a Friday/today. Why? I don't know. It's a Microsoft published game that comes out on a Friday. I was blaming in on Europe.

Anyway I've had it for a few days now and I've played thru the first 4 levels twice. The first time I was just blazin'. Killing whatever, setting off alarms. Rushing thru levels.

The art style is the same as Shank. These are the same developers of Shank. Klei Entertainment. If you're interested, BatRastered wrote about Shank last year. 

What makes the gameplay so unique about MotN is the sound wave mechanic. You can see exactly how much sound that light is going to make if you break it. Or how loud your footsteps are when you run. Everything makes a sound. There's also a great use of vision and line of sight. Anything out of your characters view is slightly blurred, until he's close or uses his "ninja senses" to sense what is happening on the other side of doors. There's also dogs that can smell you. Amazing.

My second playthru I could only play the first 4 levels. This was at 9PM[before the game was officially released] last night on the west coast. I didn't want the Microsoft police or Twitch patrol on my case. I got a pro-tip to just play the first 4 levels and I should be okay. Sure enough. You can watch all or parts of this video below, from the live stream last night. Warning: It has my grill in it!

Watch live video from Show on TwitchTV

Mark of the Ninja is a great game and I'm looking forward to playing more of it right now. MotN is now available on Xbox Live for 1200 points. I think that's a good price. You can get at least 2 playthrus, 1 killing everything and 1 letting everyone live and not setting off any alarms. Deus Ex style. I'll definitely try to get both.

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Got my hands the new DLC for Dishonored last week. I beat it. I found some weird glitches happening. You can check out my thots here & take a look at this weird screen glitching. Prolly just the XBOX being from the nubfarm.

It’s no secret at this point. This Jimmy right here -this Jimmy trying to write out this story- is a BIG FAN of Dishonored. I got the Witches of Brigmore last week from Bethesda, shout out Bethesda. They love the FnJimmy Golden Video Review, they tell me. Sure. I had know idea what this DLC was about, I don’t have any of the other DLC & I can’t tell you too many DLC’s that I’ve liked in the past.

Swerve! This 1 is tight. You play a completely different character, one you -as the main character- actually killed in the Main Story. He was a boss. Daud. So you start out as Daud & you have to fight off the attack from the Main Story. Really sweet stuff. I think it’s a great idea & this DLC was off to a good start.

Daud has a bunch of different moves. He can summon assassin’s to fight alongside of him. (That was the first 1 I upgraded fully.) You can also improve his running, jumping, stealth just like the main character, Corvo. Daud seemed to move WAY faster than Corvo when I maxed him out. He was at least twice as fast as any guard running after him & I had him crouched! But he is the assassin class in the game. The DLC definitely gives you a nice feeling of something different & new with the differences in this playable character.

I got 2 days of gameplay out of this. Prolly a total of 8 hours. That was only playing thru once & not on the maximum difficult. So there is definitely some replay value. And I am almost fairly certain that there are multiple endings.

There are tons of new enemies as well & the DLC takes you to a new Location. BUUUUUUUUUUT the graphics aren’t that great already in Dishonored, but these weird glitches don’t help. Sometimes I would stop to look around the room cuz I thot hidden shit was flashing at me. Check out this clip.

Regardless that little glitching -like I said, it’s prolly just the Xbox- this DLC is worth it & it’s fun! Dishonored is fun! Check out my full review with Bullet Points.

Buy it!

Thanks for reading. 

In Theaters November 21.

A few weeks back I got an email asking if I wanted to check out Micahel Ironside's new movie, Extraterrestrial.  The email emphasized he was from the Splinter Cell series.  So I guess that's how I got on this mailing list.  Super weird right?  So I replied to the email ... I'll check it out!

It's one of those movies about some kids that go up to the woods for the weekend to drink, smoke, & have sex.  Then something is going to come out of the darkness & kill them all off.  From the title of this movie, did you guess it was ALIENS?  No, not James Cameron style, nothing that original here.  Just your classic freaky grey tall strong self healing alien with big black eyes. 

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The Witcher 2 The Guy Has 2 Swords Review

By: goukijones Apr 25, 2012 | 3 Comments

GoukiJones shares his thoughts on the in-depth combat, terrible sound effects and his overall experience with The Witcher 2 for Xbox 360.

The best thing the Witcher 2 has going for it is the combat. Combat is the reason I play most game and my highest factor when rating. Every other aspect of the game could be a fail, but if I have fun whippin' that ass, then I won't ever be fully disappointed.

The left trigger locks on to baddies and you can switch who is selected by flicking one of the sticks. The Y button does magic. X & A do a heavy and light attack. I find myself almost always just smashing the light attack. You can stun enemies with your magic spells and then get a 1 hit kill animation. You can also raise the percentage of that move happening through out your progress in the game.

The RB throws daggers, which are super expensive early in the game. The LB brings up your Witcher wheel where you can select from different magics that you can upgrade. The B button rolls and you can upgrade this as well. At first the Witcher barely rolls at all, but you can upgrade to 200% roll length after awhile and then rolling becomes faster than running. Vintage!

Mix all that stuff in along with The Witcher 2 throwing a ton of bad guys at you in a lot of small spaces, you got some challenging fight ahead of you. The combat and setting up your guy for fights has really been the only thing keeping me interested. You can drink potions before each fight that will raise your vitality or make you more resistant to poison. After a while I realized I was usually just drinking the same 3 potions. I'm sure there's a ton more options later on in the game.

The story so far is -and this might shock you- is completely uninteresting. The game starts off with one of the best CG's I've ever seen. Then you have to play through 5 different parts for the "introduction" which is down with a flashback type feel. The Witcher is telling the story. You can pick in which order you do the 5 sequences. Irrelevant and a waste of time. I hated doing that. Then it does the new favorite thing for story tellers ... 4 months ago. So all the shit I just played through hasn't even happened yet. Or did it? I'm confused. I was skipping through the story as fast as possible.

Like in Mass Effect you have the option to be nice or mean to people. There's not meter for that or anything and now that I think about I don't know if it's had any real impact on my gameplay. I skip the conversations so fast I don't see the last thing they ask me before I have 7 different options to reply. Pick 1 at random and guess what, didn't seem to matter.

The graphics are ok. Nothing to spectacular. I'm sure it looked a little prettier on the PC. There doesn't seem to by that many different bad guys. You fight a lot of these little goblin things in the first chapter and then just fight bigger versions of them in the second chapter. There are some really really ugly faces matted to grills in the Witcher. Heads up. lol.

The sound effects are the worst I've ever heard in a video game. In chapter 1 while running through the town you can hear dogs barking, but never see 1 dog. Outside the town while near water you can hear ducks quacking, but never see 1 duck. Some of the music in the background is cool and a little catchy, but it's short and very repetitive. Voice acting isn't too great either and every once a while there is a voice over telling the story and that guy sounds like some nerd who hasn't gone through puberty yet. Never has sound effects ever stood out for me this bad.

I'm playing The Witcher 2 on hard LIVE on the stream. I'm only on chapter 2 now, but I spent about a week on chapter 1 working on this review. That's why it gets a Rent it! You're gotta WANT to play this game to play it. You don't NEED to play it. Don't be a Jimmy! Thanks for reading, please Vote, Comment and Share.



Final Fantasy XIV and my serious problem

By: goukijones Aug 18, 2010 | 4 Comments

My brain continues to argue with itself over the Final Fantasy XIV. I have so many issues here Jimmy.

First of all it's on the PC straight away for $74.99 and yes I have to get the collector's edition. If I do not get the collector's edition and really love the game and play it for years. I'll be real upset with myself. Plus I need that Onion Helm and whatever other goodies it comes with.

The Benchmark test: I recently ran the benchmark test, but before I can tell you my results let me share a few tidbits with you. I had to re-install an older version of DirectX to just run the benchmark. Wtf? Then it ran smoothly, but my score well was below the minimum. Maybe because my computer was running an older version of DirectX? My computer is brand new, I have a video card that I bought this year for like $200. It should work right?

What if it doesn't? My computer is how I work[attempt to make a living], I can't work[attempt to make a living] all morning and then have an all night pwnfest on the FF14 and run my computer for 20 hours a day. That shit will fry. Then I'll be addicted for sure by that point, with no FF14 and now no computer to work[attempt to make a living]. So that's that problem. Solution ... be prepared to upgrade.

Waiting for the PS3: Wait until March? Are you crazy? Don't forget about the Onion Helm. Oh and there's the 6 month headstart the rest of the Jimmys will get on you. This time around, I want to start at the very beggining with everyone else.

Backwards compatible PS3: I have one of those rare PS3's that is backwards compatible and is worth thousands according to Ebay. I don't really want to break that either. The current plan is to buy it for the PC and try to control myself. Then when March rolls around, buy another, yes a second PS3 just to play FF14.


I was super addicted to Final Fantasy XI and I know I will get hooked on this one fo sho. The game looks amazing, there are no words for the beauty of it. The Making of a realm vidoc series is absolutely mindboggling. When I think about the jobs and the world and the monsters. It's without a doubt I'm going to get lost with this game.

Estrada says he is getting this game. Gorilla Warbear is still playing FF11 because he was hoping for a Beta key for FF14 or to get something when FF14 comes out. Well he's gonna get something, but I don't care too much for it. Hermes’ Shoes. “Named after an elder god, all but forgotten in the modern age, these gold-tipped shoes have been crafted with the lightest of leathers, making them optimal for use by heralds and noterunners.”


We've already touched on setting up our squad and putting ourselves in different roles for crafting and fighting. This is not good, I'm already drawing charts in bed at night before I go to sleep. I can't stop thinking about which way I want my character to go.

I can't even decide if I want to be a little Jimmy(Lalafell) or an Elf Jimmy(Elezen.) I was a little Jimmy in FF11. I don't want to be a human or the big Gorilla Warbear looking thing. The elves look cool, but I don't know what job I would focus on. At least the little Jimmys look cool doing anything in the game, so I'll probably pick one of them. So then it's decided. I'll a "Lalafell" in FF14.

As far as Jobs go forget about it. I have no idea. I might just level up all different kinds at the beggining. It depends on how many friends I have and if we are actually leveling up together to go do missions and stuff. I like healing, because I don't trust anybody else doing it. I will most definitely choose a trade that will make a lot of money, like medicines or food. Consumable items are the way to go.


It's official, I'm going to pre-order the Final Fantasy XIV. I'm going to promise myself to not let it get out of hand. I can not break my PC, must survive on it until March. Lalafell healer/thief and cooking/medicine master! Look for me when the game comes out. Want to get on the same planet with me? Leave a comment and lets start the Gouki Guild! Don't be a Jimmy!

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