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About: Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn (x)

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FFXIV WAR Perspective Ifrit HM Malboro [FC] TAW

By: goukijones Oct 6, 2013 | 0 Comments

In this clip watch GoukiJones lvl 50 WAR 50% DL take down Ifrit with some help from his [FC] TAW. Don't be a Jimmy!

1 of these days, I'll get the audio right in 1 of these set ups. Thanks for watching. Please leave any questions or comments below. Nnnnnnnnnnnnuab!

No seriously, I'm asking you. I click exit game & my character lies down in bed & this happens ...

Back during phase 3 of the beta Jimmys were complaining that our characters wouldn't actually lay down in the bed when logging out. Well she will lay down now & then with a sudden burst be standing up at the last second again just before the screen goes black. Honestly I'd rather just save the few seconds & skip the animation of my character getting in bed. It's worthless. Don't be a Jimmy!

Thanks for watching. 

This guy is 1 of the biggest Jimmys on Malboro.

 

Here's the deal. When I started Final Fantasy XIV 2.0 back in the beta, this Jimmy & I were in the same FC. I knew this guy was a hardcore crafter. I was too, but nobody really knew. The night I got all my crafts to 50, this nuab Hokuten was just a few hours behind me. When he had found out I beat him to 50, he never really spoke to me again since. He's just been a huge douche. Now I got some of his doucheyness on tape. You suck Hokuten. I'm the Master Crafter. Jimmy!

Review

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Final Fantasy XIV review for pc w/ Kevin VanOrd & Gametrailers

By: goukijones Oct 10, 2010 | 4 Comments | Updated: Apr 13, 2016

Is this game a waste of life more than any other game I've ever played. I think so. Plus Kevin VanOrd from Gamespot reads my mind. *UPDATED - Editor fucked up.

**UPDATED October 11, 2010**

I fucked up. Credit should go to Gametrailers.com for such an awesome review as well.

Here's what happened: BatRastered originally played the Gametrailers.com review for me while I listened from my computer. I ran over to watch every few seconds, but didn't pay close attention to the visuals. The other night when I wrote this story (possibly after a few drinks) I searched for Final Fantasy XIV review on youtube and came across the Kevin VanOrd video, I played the video in the background mostly just listening and Kevin pretty much says the same stuff. That's why I thought it was the same video.(And I had a few more at this point) I couldn't agree with both video anymore. Like I say below, if I wrote a review now it would be verbatim to these two videos. So check out the Gametrailers.com video review, the original PWN review of Final Fantasy XIV.

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FF14 The New Realm revealed. Really? It's still empty. It looks dreadful. Big sad face here still. Where's the update with the fun factor? When will that be added?

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Final Fantasy XIV ver 2.05 patch notes

By: BatRastered Oct 15, 2013 | 1 Comments

A summary of what's changed with last night's patch.

Last quest for GC Promotion changed from AK to AV
Reduce ferry and airship fee now 120 gil
Increase number of server instances for AK and WP
Increase ToP gained from AK and WP, AK now 100
Increase ToM gained from WP, Garuda HM, Titan HM
Trash mobs in WP, AK, CM, Prae will drop some gils about 40-60 each
Change position of trash mobs in CM, WP
Increase number of Fleece drop mobs in CCH (dragonhead map)
Respawn rate of diremites increased in N. Shroud
Increase exp miner and botanist guildleves
Own debuff/buff will always be on the most left
Cannot create more than 8 characters per day per service account (prevent RMT stuff?)
Lots and lots of bug fixes (see full notes)

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Preview

goukijones

What do I want from E3 2010?

By: goukijones May 31, 2010 | 6 Comments

Don't be a Jimmy special edition of blithering and blathering. E3 2010 blog.

Let me say that this will be in no specific order. Let us get right into it. I want to play the reach multiplayer. I know the campaign will be fun so ... I'm sure it will be cool to play it at the show. Gears of War 3, not a Gears of War guy. I'm not a Call of Duty guy either. That's that for the shooters. I really want to see Brink from Bethesda. I'm not thrilled about the Fallout New Vegas which is made by a different developer this time, Obsidian Entertainment. The same Jimmys that are famous for making sequels to other great games.

In a season of its cars, Gran Turismo 5 is going to be Sony's showcase once again. Promising new and amazing brilliantly designed 3D environments. Wearing glasses are not man. You know what I mean Jimmy. What happened to Africa? Did it come out and I just don't know what I'm talking about? What the fuck was it about? Playing games now like Read Dead, I would love to drive around in a jeep in a living Africa and fuck around. Let be serious here. reipuerto mentions some ridiculous games. Little Big Planet 2, ok ... I know one Jimmy that has actually played that. Nothing about that shit is actually hard core. Maybe there is, I don't know I have never played it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Marvel VS Capcom 3 is very exciting. I cannot wait to see this, I've heard the game is super fast. The graphics are real free flowing and the comic book look is really cool. Marvel VS Capcom 3 will be one at the top of the first to see list. Have another drink Jimmy. Heard.

Final Fantasy XIV is another game at the top of my first to see list. I want a release date. I want to see gameplay. I want to know how frickin' much a month I'm going to get raiped on my bank account to sit in the middle of the town peddling kluptac wolf hides and firestick buns for 20gil each.

The Metroid is the only game I truly interested in seeing and playing. Because I am concered about the gameplay Jimmy. I don't want to have to switch to fist person on-the-fly to fight bosses and stuuuufff. So I want to see how that plays. Epic Mickey if it does look interesting at the show this would move up on my list. I have played some good Disney games in the day. Kingdom Hearts is nubfarm.

Please how about an update on the Vitality Sensor. I'd love to have my Wii hooked up monitoring my vitals while I play Halo Reach or ModNation Racers. ModNation Racers has me screaming at the TV. I love it. Race me. C'mon Iwata what is up with the relaxation game. Here's my Thursday afternoons in early October ... I'm playing the Shit out of Halo Reach multiplayer. The Wii Vitality Sensor is hooked up to my left nipple because I realized while playing it doesn't work on my index finger. The new Wii-laxition game for the Vitality Sensor just game out and I got a great deal on it. Are you following me?

Seriously I'm done with moving with games. A steering wheel might be cool, might be. Natal, no thanks. Sony with Move. LOL. My Uncle Jack Tretton is going to bring it hard at the Press Conference and I can't wait to see what happens. Jack Trenton is not dead.

Star Wars The Old Republic looks to me like it's going to be lacking in graphics. I need to see it in person. Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2, is it made by the same Jimmys? I need to see it in person. Batman Arkham Asylum 2, yes yes. Of course I want to play that game. Nobody knows anything about it right now. No need to rush it. Fable umpteen, I am a fable fan and I will play this game. Crysis 2 is the new Halo killer. Crysis 2? You have to be asking yourself why haven't you heard of Crysis 1, if Crysis 2 is going to be a Halo killer.

Surprise Zelda is still lame. That's going to be a shock for a lot of people. Killzone 3 is good! No not really. Sorry. Pokemon Battle dome Import any pokemon from the last two DS titles and watch them battle it out in 3D on the Wii. Like the old Battle Stadium for the, what system was that the Gamecube? Never mind. The Natal actually lets you import your actual nasty random Jimmy grill and paste it on to your avatar. Or finally put my real face on my multiplayer only Rainbow Six Vegas 4 guy. Thanks.

I'm very excited about E3 2010. I'm tired right now, it's 1 am June 1st, 2010. I agree with BatRastered, the game I want to see most is a game I don't know about. I'm gonna have one more drink. Don't forget about actually being on the E3 show floor. Who will have the best game of the show, or best booth, best schwag, hottest booth babe? I guess that pretty much sums it up.

*I have not read of this at this point. I posted it anyway. Jimmy! I reserve the right to add or edit anything in this story. I'm sure there is something I forgot to say. Something that I REALLYU want to say ...

Dont' be a Jimmy ...

Every Wednesday night 7PT I stream our weekly serious shot inside coil. We're getting close to downing turn 6 finally. Here is the very end of last nights run. Finally... third phase ... Something just rails me & I'm dead ... well now you can watch the video & learn about SWARM.

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FFXIV ARR Ifrit: Lord Of Inferno Battle Guide

By: Zero2990 Sep 7, 2013 | 1 Comments | Updated: Sep 12, 2013

A short Ifrit guide describing all of his moves and how to deal with them.

If you're new to MMO's or Final Fantasy this guide will breakdown the first boss you take on in game, Ifrit. Although he is the first major battle he does prove quite a challenge for beginners and will easily punish you if your party is reckless.

After a lengthy cut scene you will be thrown into the arena to take on the fire demon himself.
Bare in mind that as he is the first boss and your team mates may not understand the mechanics of the battles yet and may make the odd mistake, its always good to go over the battle plan before the fight, people will thank you for it.

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Two full days of experience and ranking up. Also, tons of walking around aimlessly. What have I learned from the beta so far?

Sqaure-Enix launched the Final Fantasy XIV beta early this week and it was a pain in the ass to get in. Apparently, from my understanding, Square-Enix opened up the beta with like 10 different servers. Those servers filled up faster than FNJimmy trying to solve any random puzzle in Darksiders. I had no chance that first day. I didn’t even really understand how and what was happening with trying get into the beta. I think the problem here is that the Square-Enix website is all done in Japanese and then translated straight over into English. The site is crazy backwards sometimes. Also I feel like I’m logging in a 100 times. Two days later, I did get a code and I was in.

With the beta you can create and play with as many different characters as you want. Actually I don’t know if that’s true, what I do know is that I have made 4 different characters. The first character I made was how I imagined I wanted him before I got the chance to play. I chose Disciple of the hand, Alchemist. I had no idea that with this selection I would have no weapon and my main attack would be “throw stone.” Thank god this is a trial run. At this point I tried to learn about the settings, moving around with a keyboard and getting familiar with the controls. I did a few quests, the levequest stuff is cool. So after playing for sometime and only doing 1 hit point of damage, I knew something was wrong and started my second character.

Disciple of war, Archer. Now I’m railin’ right out of the box. Gone are the days of gathering stones to throw at Nutbiters and here we go with 40+ hit point, crushing arrow blows to your dome. So now I got some combat under my belt for reals this time. I realize I just needed a little money and I could go buy any weapon I want. Once I buy a new weapon I can change my class. Buy a polearm, become a lancer. Buy a sword, become a gladiator. This also works with the crafting. Buy a sledgehammer, become a goldsmith. So yeah, you can start the game as any class you want. Now I can get my alchemist and get him a wand so he can start casting some magic. 

Before I switch back to my original character I created. I made another character and started him in a different city. I chose for this Jimmy to be a Thaumaturge. Yea, I know the names of the classes are a little ridiculous in FF14. Thaumaturge means black mage in normal talk. I also picked a human male this time. Previously I had chosen the little Lalafell Jimmy and an Elf. My human mage started with high and equal HP/MP. Cool. He also dealt major solo damage. I didn’t want to play has a mage in this game, but I may level it secondary. 

So now I think I understand the leveling, the controls and the questing. I start a third character, with a class I wouldn’t usually choose and in the third and final city. Disciple of war, Lancer. This city Ul’dah, is a city of bricks. One of the regrets I had in Final Fantasy XI was I chose the “castle city” in that game and I felt like I was in prison. So I don’t like Ul’dah in Final Fantasy XIV and I won’t choose this city. That’s official. I took my lancer out and killed a few things, got some gil. Final Fantasy money for you nuabs. Went back to town and bought myself a pick axe. Time to learn about mining. Got a levequest and took off out the front door. It took me a while to find the mining spots. Eventually I and it was there I discovered the mining mini-game. I couldn’t find any technique to swinging the pick axe other than to just keep whacking away at at the stone. I’m sure there is some trick to it.

Back to my original character. I got tons of money from stumbling around town doing quests. Got some money from being in parties earlier throwing rocks at Star Marmots out in the wild. Searched the town high and low looking for the Jimmy who had the magic wands for sale. Bought a bow and some arrows too. I already have my alchemy tools. Which I couldn’t figure out how to do shit for crafting. Fuck it. Lets kill something. Used the bow and arrows, killed a bunch of wild beasts(actually cute little furry things.) Leveled my Archer to rank 5 in no time. Now I’m starting to feel the leveling addiction. Wait what this? I just switch my bow and arrow to my magic wand and now I’m a Thaumaturge. WOW! Now I’m hurling magic balls across the grassy knolls. We are rollin’. By the way in FF14 the mages can throw magic “balls.” It’s a regular attack and uses NO mp. Cool stuff. Leveled my Thaumaturge to level 4. 

The time has come for me to log back in. What will I do next? Trial and errors continues. Get ready for the Final Fantasy XIV release. Play it early if you get the Collector’s Edition. Don’t be a Jimmy. Join the Gouki Guild.

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Final Fantasy XIV starter guide

By: BatRastered Mar 10, 2014 | 0 Comments

With the release of the PS4 version only a month away, we know there will be many new faces on Eorzea. Here's how to not look like a n00b even though you are one.

Choosing a server (world)

There are only two datacenters, North America (located in Montreal) and Japan. Pick a server from the DC closest to you. If you want to play with the Gouki team, pick Malboro (NA).

Choosing a race

Hyur (Human): Really? Zzzzzz.
Elezen (Elf): About the same size and shape as human, can get a bit taller and has pointy ears. Good wizarding material. You think Legolas is the star of the LotR and fantasize about Spock.
Miqo’te (Cat people): A tiny bit smaller than humans, but not annoyingly so. Have cat ears on top of their heads and whiskers. You’re probably into furries and/or MLP.
Roegadyn (Giants): Big, muscular. Great for tanks or if you really want to see the detail in those armor pieces and have poor eyesight or a small monitor. You like bodybuilders, Muscle magazine is your porn.
Lalafell (Hobbits): Tiny, round, cute, and annoying. If you are a pedophille or just like trolling people, this is your dream race.

All kidding aside, the race you choose doesn’t matter much. We’re talking about 1-2 points in your base stat. If you REALLY are in to min/max when you MMO and you can’t live without those 1-2 points, follow this rule: Tanks should pick Roegadyn and choose Sea Wolves for the sub race. Melee DPS should choose Hyur Highlander. Archers should choose Elezen Wildwoods. Casters should choose Elezen Duskwights and Healers should choose Miqo’te Keepers of the Moon.

Read more after the break...

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Square thinks we'll be creating our characters for hours. I just wanna start beating little bunnies over the head ASAP!

So in this video Square-enix shows off how in-depth the character columniation is in Final Fantasy XIV. I don't really care too much for what my character LOOKS like. I'm pretty sure, no matter what he will be feared by all. Ha ha ha!

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