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Windows Phone hands-on CES 2011 with goukijones

By: goukijones Jan 10, 2011 | 9 Comments

Oh wow! The new Windows Phone is here. I hate cell phones. Bing.com hating on Gouki.com caught on tape!

So some of you may not know this, but I hate cell phones. Yes, yes, I'm glad to have mine and I use it a lot. Sometimes though, I could just be sitting on the couch and constantly checking it every two seconds. Then I catch myself doing this and I get very angry. I feel way to attached to it. Then when your girlfriend is constantly texting you and geting angrier and angrier because you aren't responding. You don't know, you left the phone in another room so you would be sucked into it's unholy control over your mind.
Anyway, I think I'm way off topic here. I could do with out cell phones that's for sure. But everything around me would fall apart. Check out me trying to get on Gouki.com with the new Windows Phone at CES 2011. 

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Worst Deal for Gamers Jimmy Gems nominees

By: goukijones Dec 13, 2010 | 14 Comments

Do not pay full price for video games. These are the biggest rip offs for gamers this year.

Move controllers

You realize that some of these games require 2 of the same ball controller, like the boxing. I know, so what, right? Add it up. Move basic kit that comes with a game, the controller and the eye toy. $100. The Navigation controller if you want to play whatever games need this. $30. Then you need a second Move controller. $50. And then finally if you want to play that stupid boxing game, you need the game. $50. Total = Broke ass.


Bioshock 2 DLC

This is when every gamer knew we were totally being lied to by our publishers.


Kinect $50 extension cord

Wow really Microsoft?! That's just wrong. I hate cables. They are a Rip-off.


Super Street Fighter IV costumes

I like the costumes. Releasing a bunch of packs slowly and then a final pack at the end with all of them in it for a cheaper price is just wrong. Let me pay that price up front and as they release just let me DL them. Jimmy ass!


Online play codes

This bullshit is alienated the other half of the gaming community. The part of the community that buys games used or gets them from friends long after the game comes out. The part of the community that is excited to play with me, a game that I'm still playing because I enjoy it so much. Online play codes are the biggest bullshit.


Xbox Live price increase

Xbox Live annual cost was raised from $50 to $60. Unbelievable. I never thought we would see an increase. Most titles run on dedicated servers. And don't get me started on Online play codes fucking gamers in the ass.

Microsoft says it's for Kinect and that we'll have access to ESPN 3. I don't have a kinect and I don't have ANY need to watch ESPN 3. There should be an option for gamers who strictly just want to play online. ie Halo, COD, NFSHP. I don't need access to anything else on Xbox Live except my friends. 

Read full story...

Announced this afternoon Gearbox Software and 2K Games are throwing a party for the Duke in Las Vegas. Oh you'll get to play the game ... and drink ... and look at hot women.

Gearbox Software and 2K Games both twat about the private Duke Nukem party "Come Party with Duke Nukem in Las Vegas" just a few hours ago. You'll get to play Duke Nukem, drink and possible see some titties.

Sign-up for the party now. The only thing is you gotta bring me with you.

Other valuable information you should know is that you need to be at least 21. Also you can't offended by nudity and/or hot women. I guess though if you are into Duke Nukem, that doesn't matter. So sign-up and here's to us Partying with the Duke.

 

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Crysis 2 Demo Day 1 Gameplay Exclusive Videos

By: goukijones Jan 29, 2011 | 9 Comments

Team Gouki Gameplay videos of the Crysis 2 demo. Get a first look at all of the suit powers. The different guns. Get an especially good look at this same multiplayer map in both videos. Team Gouki Chatter, but mostly we're talking about the game.

Crysis 2 Demo Day 1 Instant Action Gameplay

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A letter from goukijones

By: goukijones Jan 20, 2011 | 11 Comments

Post Masturbation Thoughts

Sitting in the dark waiting for the red light to flash. Then a bright red flicker flashes in the dark. It lasted for only half a second but the way it lit up the wall and lampshade above seemed like an eternity. Maybe it's that email I've been waiting for all day. Nope, just some nuab twitter ass spammer. Fuckin' Jimmys! Go follow FranktheNuab. I'm not one at all to say fuck life. But I joke about hanging myself with a wet towel. People ask me, why a wet towel? I heard once that if you strangle a person with a wet towel, it won't leave any marks. Yeah I get it, when I'm found, I'll still have a wet towel around my neck. Fuck man, I'm not gonna kill myself. As of right now this is all still hypothetical. 

There's also a bit about how I'm gonna play the iPad commercial music, while I hang myself with a wet towel. That fuckin' song drives me crazy and I couldn't think of anything else to have on in the background, to push myself over the edge. Gouki.com just wrapped up some awesome CES 2011 coverage and we've been PWNn the traffic ever since. AEE was a blast, finishing that video was certainly a load off. Or load out, get it? Load? I hope the Jimmys enjoy that video. I would like to make a personal vow to all of my Halo brothers, who are patiently waiting for PWNtober 2010. PWNtober is on the way, get ready for some serious RAIL TIME! Nublock!

Thank you to everyone who is reading, contributing and enjoying Gouki.com. BatRastered and I are grateful for every post you make on any of our sites. So keep writing stories, leaving comments and sharing with your friends. Now lets go fuck 2011 in her sweet ass Jimmy! - There was something else written here, but the the paper looks like it got wet or something.

Thanks for reading.

This list was submitted by Gouki.com's own Investigative Reporter Choke. These are the nominees for best iPhone game.

Angry Birds

Cut the Rope

Helsings Fire

Plants vs Zombies

Fruit Ninja

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Skillisode #2 features the Vodoo Doll, Parashoot, and Torpedo kills. Also a first look at the Grayson Hunt, Bulletstorm's lead character action figure. Pre-order from Gouki.com today Jimmy!

It's no secret we at Gouki.com are pumped up about Bulletstorm. There's a ton of stories on the site already. Today Epic games released a new Skillisode video. The Skillisode videos show you some of the many different was to dispose of the horrid and smelly bad guys in Bulletstorm. So with out hesitation ...

Skillisode #2

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Borderlands Preview

By: goukijones Oct 7, 2009 | 11 Comments

A first-person shooter/rpg on a distant planet in a post apocolyptic setting. With a very unique art style. 4 player co-op ... Lets play this Jimmy!

Borderlands a new game from publisher 2k games and developer Gearbox who worked on Halo CE for the pc and just recently released Brothers in Arms and also worked on Half-life. This new game has a very unique art style it's cel-shaded but very gritty. I like it the colors.

As far as the gameplay, you can select from four different classes. A hunter, he has a sniper rifle. A soldier, he just raips on the ground level. A siren who looks like she has an emp and can boost the parties experience gain. And a berserker who just pounds the shit of things. So yes, a first-person shooter with experience gain. One of the first of it's kind. I'm interested and as the game's release gets closer, I've been paying more attention.

Check out these videos and do some pre-ordering. Gamestop is giving you a bonus weapon exclusive weapon cache. BestBuy doesn't have anything extra for the game.

This game looks fun as hell with four friends online, lets pwn!

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E3 2011 Story Contest Win E3 Swag

By: goukijones May 30, 2011 | 9 Comments

Write a story about E3 2011 and win cool prizes direct from the show floor. Be entered to win our exlcusive Swag Bag of stuff.

This one's easy Jimmy. We know you're going to be writing your butts off next week for E3 and we want to give you guys some of the coolest stuff we get there, aka swag. Last year we sold a lot of it, because a Jimmy needed some serious money back in the day. We'll probably still auction off some of the stuff, but this year Gouki.com users will have first choice. Check out last years stuff.

E3 2010 Fund Raiser. http://gouki.com/Story/Details/e3-2010-mortal-kombat-t-shirt-and-swag-bag-fund-raiser

This year we have more access than ever to the show and I expect to get some really cool stuff.

How to enter. Write relevant takes and stories about the happenings at E3 2011. Make sure you tag your stories, news and E3 2011. This will put your stories right into our exclusive E3 2011 feed. FYI Cinderkin gets first overall choice, this Jimmy has been pimping Gouki.com for over a year and we really appreciate him a lot.

You can share your stories on Twitter and put them in our exclusive Twitter feed by using #e3gouki. That will automatically send your tweets to our Gouki.com/e3 page.

So get to writing, make sure you Read The Faq and understand what is going on here. 

Grand Prize: An exclusive Swag bag that I will put together personally.

Runner up prizes: Anything we get doubles of will be given away separately so everyone will have a chance to get something from E3.

You gotta write quality takes. It doesn't need to be 10 paragraphs long, but we want honest news and opinions shared. Don't be a Jimmy! Good luck.

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Fallout New Vegas hardcore my ass review

By: goukijones Dec 10, 2010 | 6 Comments

Gouki.com has beat the game. On hardcore. Glitches, freezes, broken quests whatever ... it's still an excellent adventure. Read about GoukiJones' personal adventure through the open world of the New Vegas GlicthLand. Achievement unlocked.

Hardcore mode: Drink, eat, and sleep. Those are the core elements in the Hardcore mode. As far as difficulty goes, I couldn't tell the difference. In a game where you can freeze and select an enemy to shoot and where to shoot, I was never worried about the difficulty. I'm not gonna lie, walking away from the first town and coming across the Powder Gangers(a small faction in Fallout New Vegas), I got destroyed. Died once, but made it pass them the second time. 3 broken limbs, no doctor bags(only way to heal limbs in hardcore mode), low health and pretty much no ammo ... I limped to the next closest town. I should have never killed that doctor in the first town. But fuck him. This new town had a doctor and for only 50 caps or so, I could get a full heal. After realizing the doctors were the cheapest and best way to stay full health, anytime I was in trouble, I could just fast travel to the nearest town and get healed. The food took me some time to figure out, but once I did, it too became pretty irrelevant. There's plenty of non-radiated fruit growing in the wasteland, just pick it all up and constantly be eating. It's less of a chore then it sounds. Why there is non-radiated fruit growing every where ... I don't know. Nubfarm?

Sound: This game sounds just like Fallout 3 did. There's no innovation here.

Graphics: No innovation here either. Where Fallout 3 looked grey and had a green hud, Fallout New Vegas has a more brown look and a goldish hud. You can change the color of the hud in the options though. Then New Vegas will really look like Fallout 3 to you. When inside buildings and vaults, you would never be able to tell if you were playing Fallout 3 or New Vegas. Cut and paste video game development gotta love it. This is an excellent example of how this game is more parallel to Fallout 3 than an advanced sequel.

Gameplay: In Fallout New Vegas there are a few different factions and all can be worked with or you can play them against each other. I was aware of this going into the game. My goal was to play each faction against each other for as long as possible. When I got to New Vegas, I exploited the robots at the front gate for being dumb robots. Also BatRastered gave me a heads up, that the robot in charge of the gate would chase you away you down, just to explain how to get into New Vegas. I led him away, killed him and got the key. When I came back the other two robot guards were on high alert and attacked me. Boone, my first companion and I raiped those robots and casually strolled through the gate into New Vegas. Once inside New Vegas I was surrounded by even more robots, who DIDN'T attack me. Reh-tard. I just broke into New Vegas, but apparently on the other side of the gate it wasn't a big deal. Since I had a key, anytime I was coming into New Vegas, I just had to run pass those robots guarding the gate. Eventually I got my computer skills high enough and I was able to just tell that robot 1001111001011010 then he and his boys guarding the gate stopped attacking me.

I got to New Vegas way earlier than I probably should have and killed the Jimmy running the show. Mr. House deada denna muthafucka. I received the penthouse key and I could drop some of this weight I was carrying, sleep and drink clean water. Now I really started to fuck with all of the factions and adventure through the wasteland as much as possible. When I would go do something for Caesar, that would piss off the NCR. So then I would go do something for the NCR and then that would piss off another group. So when I pissed off Caesar, I'd go do something nice for Caesar, blow up an NCR camp or convince another group to side with Caesar. This went on all the way through the rest of the game for me until I had no quests left. It got to the point where I really had to decide which group I wanted to do the final mission with. I sided with Yes Man, the robot who was now running the show in New Vegas after I killed MR. House. When I turned in the final quest to Yes Man and sided with him officially, I failed 6 other quests and had 3 warnings pop up from the other clans. Now I was looking forward to leaving town to see who wanted to fuck with me.

Leveling up: Correct me if I wrong, because I just can't remember. I thought in Fallout 3 you got a new perk every time you leveled up. Irrelevant. In New Vegas it is only every other level. Some perks I remember choosing: 6 S.P.E.C.I.A.L. (which is 1 extra point in any of your attributes.) Adamantium Skeleton. (Your limbs take less damage.) Mysterious Stranger and the female version of that. I don't remember if they ever appeared at the same time. I don't think so. My goal was to level up my melee, so that's how I built my character up. Planning for close combat and relying on support. I also got the new perk that allows you to repair items with similar items and at this point I was rich bitch! I finished the game with over 30,000 caps. Economy railed! Pro-tip: You don't have to level any of your traits to 100 because you can use magazine to max them out from 90 if you have to. Now that I think about I never actually needed anything to be 100. I used the magazines once and that was to jack my speech up from 60 to 70 to convince this one Jimmy to join my quest and be a companion. Then I send his ass to the penthouse at the Lucky 38 and never used him. Enjoy the rest of your life Jimmy!

Companions: Using the partner was something I didn't explore too much in Fallout 3, but in New Vegas they are a bigger part of the game and more in your face. Not just some random dog you find or some slaves you can buy like in Fallout 3. Boone is the first guy you come across, depending on which direction you go I guess. He's a sniper who hates Caesar and who's wife was recently traded to the slavers. Having him on my team was great. The game would shift into kill shots and I didn't even know what was happening. Boone had seen something a mile away, pulled out his sniper rifle and railed it. I got experience for that kill too. Then I came across ED-E a robot that looks like the same robots from the commercial and the ones that would float around in Fallout 3 playing the president's addresses and music. ED-E has a serious radar and could detect enemies around you. He also plays a little song when he detected something to let you know enemies were near by, the song is cool. lol. When I decided to search for new companions I left Boone and ED-E in the penthouse. I hadn't realized at this point that you need to talk to them and tell them specifically to wait at the penthouse AKA the Lucky 38. While I was out exploring a note popped up saying that Boone has left my party and will be waiting for me at the Luck 38. Ok, that's where I left him. A few minutes later another note popped up and told me ED-E has left my party and has returned to Primm. Primm? Why? I left him in the Lucky 38.

I traveled to Primm immediately to get ED-E back. He played my favorite song. When I entered the room, ED-E immediately start to attack the other Jimmy in the room behind the counter. That Jimmy behind the counter pulls out his gun and starts shooting at ED-E. I'm thinking what the fuck is going on here, everything was cool until walked into the room. So I killed the Jimmy shooting at ED-E, then ED-E started to shoot me. I killed ED-E, sad face. The dog in New Vegas requires multiple hoops to jump through, in order to get him on your team. There is a quest to level up his brain and give him some new abilities. I guess, I never noticed much change, the dos was still reh-tard. The first vault I went into after leveling up the dog he died. In Hardcore mode, if your companions die, they are dead and you can't get them back. So I restarted my last save and made it further through the vault this time, but the dog still died. Fuck it, the dog was a reh-tard. I "talked" to the dog and told him to stay back and used ranged attacks. Whatever that means. He would still run off to the closest enemy he saw and attack. I wouldn't even know he was in a fight until the game went into a kill shot animation or he died. I left his ass in the vault, deada denna muthafucka! I can go on about the companions, but my advice to you is to keep Boone and ED-E alive as much as possible.

Overall: Regardless of all the shit I've been talking, I still played this game for over 45 hours. If I did not play it on hardcore, I probably would have not got the challenge I wanted. I still really enjoyed discovering new areas, buildings and vaults. Combing the shit out of the wasteland and developing my character was a total blast. But what I enjoyed the most was just manipulating everything in the game and fucking with it as much as possible. Yeah it froze a few times and a couple of my quests were broken, but that didn't stop me from playing. If you enjoyed Fallout 3, this is more of the same, but it's still a lot fun. Final Fantasy XIV was the adventure I wanted, but Fallout New Vegas was the adventure I fell in love with. And for that I give it ...

BUY IT!

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Gears of War 3 Campaign Trailer

By: goukijones May 28, 2011 | 8 Comments

Gears of War 3 trailer. "Lets finish this!"

US version from the official Xbox YouTube Channel.

So what are your thoughts, I enjoy playing the Gears of War campaigns and I'm looking forward to this one. Just try to keep me out of giant worms Cliffy B. Thanks.

Miami to have their first ever super major comic con. Team Gouki will be in attendance. 2/26/2011-2/27/2011

Bravo Team Gouki will be attending the first ever Miami Comic Con presented by Wizard World. Meet your favorite Gouki.com Jimmys, goukijones, reipuerto, and the ever lovable prettymiwa.

Snap a picture with goukijones and win 1600 MSP or $20 in PSN deniro. Upload it to Twitter with the hashtags #gouki and #wizardworld. Drawing will be Sunday night. Don't be a Jimmy!

Make sure you follow @goukijones @reipuerto and @prettymiwa for all of the show updates and of course check back here for exclusive pictures and videos.

Show info:

MIAMI COMIC CON FEBRUARY 26-27, 2011SAT-SUN Miami Airport Convention Center (MACC)

Event Hours:
Saturday, Feb. 26 - 10 a.m. - 7 p.m.
Sunday, Feb. 27 - 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.

For more information and tickets check out the Wizard World official website.

See you this weekend!

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