iPhone games (continuation of the Jimmy Gems iPhone game talk)

By choke — December 16, 2010
Tags: angry-birds cut-the-rope fragger iphone need-for-speed taking-a-shit

iPhone game discussion

This a continuation of this story: Best game to play while taking a shit Jimmy Gems nominees

I started typing this as a response to discussion in the jimmy gems category for taking a shit or whatever it's called.

Fuckin jimmy mentiond he liked Fragger.  Lots of people like Angry Birds, and someone said Angry Birds was an '09 game.



Yeah I never know when these games are released or whatever.  I know there are a few new Angry Birds games or updates that are seasonal but I havent tried those yet.

Fragger is good and I'm working on completely FUCKING DESTROYING that right now.

I like Flight Control but something about it infuriates me more than anything else I've played on here

Need for Speed was requested for me to purchase by Goukijones even though it cost $5 I still obliged and he didnt give a shit.   

It's pretty fun, but I suck at racing games that arent Mario Kart and I cant even beat the 2nd fucking level so fuck it.

RAGE 3D is another game he requested me to buy and it's one of the worst video game experiences of my life second only to losing the 1990 United States Video Game Championships hosted by Circuit City because I didn't have time in my life to play Tetris like all the other stupid fucking kids that entered.  I was busy with Final Fantasy I which those fucking tards had probably never even heard of.

He now wants me to try infinity blade but I looked at the screenshots and while they're pretty it looks like it'll be another waste of more than $1.99 which is what I'm accustomed to paying for games that are almost assuredly more enjoyable.

Other games I've tried recently:


Megaworm.  It's fairly fun, but it's very short and any brainless imbecile can beat it without ever dying.  It'd be better if it was free but it did provide about 2 minutes of entertainment for 99 cents which is about the going rate for the tranny that works the bar at Slots O Fun so weigh your options carefully

Cartoon Wars 2 or Cartoon Heroes 2 or Cartoons vs Heroes 2.  I dont know what this game was called but it took a very long time to beat and master even though it was mind-numbingly awful the entire way through.  It's the equivalent of crack on the iphone in that I couldnt stop playing it til it was beaten but it wasn't fun in the least.  I beat the shit out of it and it took weeks in doing so and I just got a fucking congratulations screen.  Thanks a lot.

Osmos looks really cool and all but the gameplay is boring to me.  I think it's probably better on the iPad

The Incident is fun but gets old really quickly

Street fighter IV is impressive in every way, but it just doesnt WORK as a fun gaming experience IMO.  I'm sure some asshole like Daigo is doing 400 hit combos on it and it's fun if you're that good, but I have a hard time jumping, so pass.

Final Fantasy Chaos Rings is the most insulting game ever to be released on the iPhone.  It cost about $215 and took 3 days to download and is one of the biggest pieces of shit ever.  Avoid at all costs.

KnightsRush is terrible.  Monster Dash was relatively fun but there's not much to it.  AirAttack I think I beat but I literally cant remember a thing about it.  ZombieSmash is entertaining but gets extremely challenging to a fault IMO.  DoDonPachiR is fun but I dont think you can save your progress on it which is fucking ridiculous for an iphone game

Yes I take a lot of shits.


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