bayonetta

One of the best action/adventure games out there.

Bayonetta is a very enjoyable game. This game is done by the same writer/director/producer/leader/boss/president/whatever-he-is guy of the 1st Devil May Cry game. I've only played DMC 4 and didn't really like it. The combat of this game is largely the same but moves much faster and is more fun to me. I am a huge fan of the Ninja Gaiden games, and Bayonetta offers combat just as intense and intricate, but without having to hold down the block button pretty much constantly. However, it does offer about the same in the area of female appearance ridiculousness, but I'll get to that later. Onto the review!

Story:
Every review that I have read has complained about the story being either incoherent or hard to follow. These reviewers have a mindset that is more and more prevalent in each review I read: they have a game set in their mind about what they think a game should be, instead of playing the game for what the game is. Here's the skinny on the story:

You're a witch. You woke up 20 years ago after a 500 year slumber. Unfortunately, you forgot everything that happened before you were Rip-Van-Winkled. You are now investigating to find out who you are and what you should do about it.

That's it. There's the story. The rest of the details are revealed throughout many cut scenes. Do events make sense right away? No. Do they make sense by the end of the story? Yes. There are a few loose ends that don't get tied up, but for the most part, it is a complete story that makes sense given the game's created universe. It's also a very interesting story. You'll probably want to keep playing the game just to find out what happens next. There is also quite a bit of comedy as well as references to earlier Sega games. This game will make you laugh out loud if you get into it.  

Graphics:
The environments are gorgeous. The detail is good, the scenery is great, and the animation is smooth. And now for the character models…

Bayonetta is a girl. A very tall girl I might add, with a small head. She has the same body parts as any other girl has. She also sheds her clothing, which is made of her hair, frequently. Which brings me to my theory of game programmers and scantily clad women in video games.

Game programmers are typically cast as nerds. Nerds don't typically have many people skills, especially with women. Therefore, they program women in video games to be the ideal woman that they know they could never talk to. And then proceed to make them take off their clothes as often as they can get away with. There you go; explanation for Bayonetta's design.

(I know programmers aren't really like this, probably. I also know that most of them are probably married and very cool dudes. It's just a theory. If you have another one, I would love to hear it!)

Anyway, the character models, aside from how uncomfortably sexual they might be they do look very good. The design of the enemies are well detailed and have characteristics that link them together so they all look alike while still being different. I like when a game uses this kind of congruency.

Bayonetta also has many different costumes that you can purchase. Although, when you use an alternate costume, she doesn't get more naked as you get higher combos. Which might make the game less enjoyable, if you're into that sort of thing.  

Gameplay:
Bayonetta's gameplay is where this digitized romp really shines. It is fast, simple, and elegant. Bayonetta's fighting mechanics are centered around evading attacks with an evade button, and if done at the right time, engages Witch Time. Witch Time slows everything down except for you, allowing you to beat on enemies for a few seconds to gain the upper hand. It becomes more tricky as you progress to the higher levels with more powerful enemies. I can't tell you how many times I've died trying to wait until the last second to evade an attack, only to be late and get hit. This evasion emphasis forces you to be good at this game, and in turns rewards you with fluffy feelings of accomplishment.

You have a punch and a kick button, but you'll start pretty much every combo with a punch, as kicking is too slow when you start an attack with it. The gunplay is performed with one button to rapid fire. The only really useful application of this is to hold down this button to shoot bosses when you can't get close to them. Not very much damage, but does keep the battle engaging even when you're waiting for a boss to make a move. You have guns in your hands and on you're legs, and can hold down a punch or kick button to fire that weapon. The game designers coupled this feature with being able to dodge while holding down an attack button, and then continuing the combo after the dodge. It takes a lot of getting used to, but hitting an enemy, shooting him a few times, then dodging his attack and reentering your combo after you've engaged Witch Time, is very satisfying. With that said, the guns are useful, but not really as a stand alone attack.

There are many different weapons to collect throughout the game, with some being more useful than others. You can also buy accessories at the “Gates of Hell,” the shop in the game. Most of the accessories don't seem very useful to me, but maybe that's because I was expecting an accessory that simply “boosts your defense” or something like that. Every accessory has a unique quality that helps in other ways. You can also buy new fighting techniques, healing items, and secret stuff. I used the healing items sparingly, as the game has frequent check points, and it was easier to die and come back with full health than use a bunch of healing items.

The levels are pretty linear, with a set number of encounters in each one. After you finish battling in each separate encounter, you are given a medal ranking based on your performance. One thing that I found strange is that if you go through the level and even find all the “off the path” areas, you still won't engage in every battle. You have to back track to find them. Problem is, there is really no reason to back track except to find these extra battles. In some levels, I still haven't found every encounter (maybe I need an accessory I haven't bought?). This is odd to me, but doesn't hurt the gameplay unless you yearn to get every medal.

There are some collectibles, but no side quests or anything like that. You play this game to fight and listen to the story, and there's not much beyond that. I really enjoyed the simple-ness of it, but if you need more variety from a game, you might not like Bayonetta. 

Sound:
The voice acting is superb across the board. Every character is voiced perfectly and is given plenty of chances to talk, as this game is flooded with cut scenes. The music is mostly J-Pop, which some people might not like, but it fits the mood of the game nicely. This game is meant to be played with a light-hearted attitude, and the music bolsters that. There are multiple sections in the game that made me laugh out loud because some character said something that was immediately followed by an infectious J-Pop beat and camera shutter sound. A tad ridiculous at times, but overall, it fits the game.

Final Verdict: BUY IT

Bayonetta is a great game. I understand where people wouldn't like it, but that makes it better for us who do like it. The game designers had an idea, stuck with it, and didn't try to make it everyone's game. They made a really good beat ‘em up game that stands tall right next to games like Ninja Gaiden. Good work Sega, and I'm looking forward to a sequel. 

So let us know what you think about the game and the review and don't be a jimmy.

Pre Order Vanquish from Play.com and get Bayonetta free!

For those who are still undecided on whether or not to pick up Vanquish - Platinum Games fast paced, high action shooter. Know that if you pre order the game from Play.com you'll not only receive the game in a exclusive lenticular sleeve, but you'll also receive a free copy of Platinum Games amazing hack and slasher that is Bayonetta.

Bayonetta for free is one hell of a deal Jimmys. So if your on the fence about getting Vanquish, maybe this will give you that little push you need.

Note: Play.com is a UK retailer. So those of us in the states make sure that Vanquish and Bayonetta are region free.

Tell us what you think in the comments. Don't be a Jimmy!

Does this witch have what it takes to stand next to Kratos(God of War) or Dante(Devil May Cry)?

     For those who don't know, Bayonetta is an action/adventure game(most of the focus being action) in which you play an Umbran Witch who is suffering from a case of amnesia. She hasn't forgotten how to kick people's asses though, which is what she'll be doing to figure out who she is, where she came from and what the hell she's supposed to be doing.  She uses "Hair Magic".  Her whole suit is made out of hair, so the more she has to use her powers, the more her clothes start to disappear...sweet.

     The game starts off with a bang and rarely lets up on action or graphical splendor throughout. The opening scene you begin playing in has you defying gravity by standing on a falling piece of a clock tower as it hurtles over a cliff, battling foes on the long drop down. During this battle you'll be visited by a two-headed dragon with an upside-down face in the middle - yeah this guy:

     Yeah, he wants to stop in, say, "Hi" and bust your face in with some fireballs.
 

     This boss will be following you through the first few levels which results in some cool fights. As big and awesome as he is, he is actually one of the smallest bosses in the game! All of the enemies and other bosses are greatly detailed and have many fluid animations.

     After the opening scene you play a prolouge level that will train you in the basics of the game. From here you will most likely discover cool moves that you didn't even know you could use in the opening sequence. Bayonetta has a ton of moves at her disposal from the get-go and has many, many more to unlock as you progress. You begin with having two guns for your  hands and two for your feet(yes, guns on your feet). There are guns to unlock and much to my surprise, other types of weapons such as a sword, whip, bird-like lightning/fire talons and more. Speaking of unlocks, there are tons! Besides moves and guns, there are accessories with all types of abilities, costumes, different characters, difficulty levels and even alternate versions of some of the weapons. After you've beaten the game, you can also view the 3D character models of all the enemies and bosses. Some of these bosses are crazy detailed and big, so being able to view them in this way I thought was a real treat. 

Graphics:

     The graphics in this game are bad-ass.  It's not even that the environments or the characters themselves are the best ever- it's in the way it was put together. There is a lot of detail to keep each area from looking boring and there are a lot of effects going on all the time that look great as well. Put together with great animation, an engine that runs at 60 frames per second consistently and you come away with a great looking game.

     Sexyness is a huge part of this game. Bayonetta likes to rub her fingers over her crotch area and breast a lot, as do some enemies. If I'm not mistaken, one of the torture attacks you use on one of the female fiends actually kills them with a huge orgasm...don't let your kids watch this game.

     Some of the cut scenes are done in still frames and have a comic book feel to them. It threw me off at first, I thought they were taking an easy way out by not having fully animated cutscenes all the time. After watching a few though, I thought perhaps they wouldn't have looked so great animated and leaving the motion in the imagination of the player may have just been a great way to go. The cutscenes that are animated are awesome and very over-the-top. I do have one complaint however and that is the screen-tearing issue. It doesn't pop up everywhere in the game, but it does in a few places and it's a little annoying. I am not a fan of screen tearing at all  and it's a shame this nasty little thing made its way into Bayonetta. It is a small gripe though in the overall picture.

Sound:

     The music in this game is something special. You can definitely tell this game was made in Japan(No offense to anyone in or from Japan, I love Japan!). The music is a mix between techno and some lady who keeps singing some song over and over again. Needless to say most of the time I had my own music blasting. The sound effects are really good though. All the weapon noises and explosions came out just fine. The voice acting is passable, I at least didn't ever think it was bad.

Controls and Gameplay:

     Controls in this game are tight and very responsive, which is critical in a game like this. Gameplay-wise, it is very similar to other games in it's genre, such as God of War and Devil May Cry. This is a good thing, as both games have great systems for smashing up bad-guys. I feel that Bayonetta ups the ante in some areas though. By simply pressing the Right Trigger , you can dodge almost any attack in the game. Timed right, just as you were about to be hit, this will cause the game to go into "Witch Time", which is basically slow-mo for the enemies and smash up time for you. Some enemies and bosses in the game are near impossible to defeat without using this technique, plus it looks really cool and makes you feel like a god. Another way in which I believe Bayonetta trounces the competition is in her moves and combo's. I haven't seen this many moves in a action/adventure game since Ninja Gaiden. Bayonetta has just as many, if not more moves and combo's than Ryu Hyabusa and that's saying a lot. Couple that with the fact that she can switch between two seperate, costumizable weapon set-ups on the fly mid-combo and BOOM! It's mind-blowing.

The Verdict:

     As you can tell, I really enjoyed my playthrough of Bayonetta. I played through one time on normal. It wasn't too tough to get through on this difficulty, though I did have my fair share of deaths. I can see battle being really intense on higher settings. You have to unlock them though, normal is as high as you can go the first time.

     I'm not here to say Bayonetta is better or worse than any other comparable game in the genre. I look at all of these types of games in the same light. I play it for the awesome graphics, to fight and destroy the bad-ass bosses and enjoy the ride. I don't think any of these action/adventure games keep anyone's attention for long, but to just play through once or twice is just plain fun and a definite treat for the eyes.  Kind of like when you go to the theater to see the newest  "End of the World" movie. You don't go because you think it's going to tell the best story you've ever heard, it's because you want to see huge shit get blown up in awesome ways. That's excactly what this game delivers.

How far the video vixen has come.

What's up gamers, it's Papa Bear.  Let's talk about the vixens of the video game world for a bit.  I hate to date myself but I remember when Ms Pacman was the hot chick on the gaming scene, and who didn't try to save the princess in Mario Bros.  so he could get some in the tower as the credits rolled.

Let's take a look at the new hottie in gametown, and she goes by the name Bayonetta.  I haven't played the game, not interested but WOW she's hot.  I saw a trailer for it and I had to have my kids leave the room (it was private time.) I mean at one point her clothes come off and it looks like they kill you or something. Who cares I was just looking for butt crack in the scene. With the glasses and the lollypop, I mean this has got to be the sexiest vixen yet.

Sex has become the backbone of the video game industry. From Laura Crofts short shorts to pressing the right buttons to help Kratos in God of War not be a two pump chump. Sex sells, so now you do more then just  play baseball in a game, you can bang a blue chick. How far we have come indeed, I mean even SIMS get laid, fucking SIMS.

Let's face it it's only a matter of time. Asia is the leader in gaming and porn. You make the connection. Soon it won't be safe to touch your friends Wii remote. Think about that next time you touch that same friends computer keyboard (internet porn is free).  Not to mention Project Natal, that's going to be a virgins dry hump heaven. So this is a warning to all fellow parents in the future, KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER YOUR KIDS ROOMS because gaming is getting hot.

action-figure bayonetta Bioshock-2 borderlands darksiders deals-jimmy freeish giveaway mass-effect-2 super-street-fighter-iv vlog

Tuesday February 9th, 2010. Bioshock 2 Release date. This is the car ride to and from the Toys R Us to pick up the Bioshock 2. Don't be a Jimmy! Watch the Vlog and leave a comment on the new Gouki.com. Thanks.