iPhone 4 a new way of gaming.
Hey what's up Gouki fam. I haven't played XBox much these days. I mean don't get me wrong the new Halo Reach is cool and all but everything is starting to seem like the same crap over and over again with just new boards. I don't mind dropping 60 or 70 dollars on a game but shit give me something new. More than just 5 new boards and some crappy mission that after a few bong hits I'm going to forget about anyway. Side note if you play a game beat it and then a few months later play it again because it was just so cool. Well, your a douche nozzle, I mean no offence, but.....your still a douche nozzle (that means you are not the bag but just the stick, and that's gross). I'm sure you can find something better to do with your time then get pissed at Mission 2 Level 3 all over again, YOU FUCKING POOP STICK..But again I mean no offence. You didn't see the US saying "hey we should do that Mexican-American war thing again". Oh wait they are kind of, you know with the whole wall thing and all. Bad example, but you know what I mean.
Anyway what was I talking about, oh yea the iPhone 4. I love this thing, you can get games for 99 cents most of the time and they can keep you busy for hours. Granted I smoke and one time stared at light socket for 15 minutes and thought wow they look like happy faces saying "oooooo". Go look, they do. Oh yea back to the phone. The thing about the iPhone and even the Droid is that you can take these on the go and have fun playing them. There's like 200000 games to choose from. Granted you can't take them to Game Stop and get credit for them, but with GameStop exchange rate you'll walk out owing them money. (GAMESTOP ARE ASSMONKEYS!! DIRTY DIRTY ASSMONKEYS!!) no offence to any monkeys out there. Unless your are an assmonkey then you should be very offended. It's portable gaming people, you can play a game on the crapper check your email and youjizz.com all at the same time. Thank you multitasking :). Granted it does have its faults like when my wife told me to say hi to her mother while on face chat and I was on the toilet. Don't judge me I make all my calls from the bathroom, great acoustics but a very weird moment for us both.
I know it these shitty little games don't compare to Halo or Call of Duty by any means but you can only play that crap so much. You can play Angry Birds or Enigmo anywhere and even use your iPod at the same time. There's even a app that can change your voice during a phone call. A huge stalker favorite. So put down your controller and pick up your phone there some cool games in your app store, and you can go out and see boobies that aren't virtual.
I think Blur has got to be one of the best multiplayer game out. Plus check out this quick cheat.
Hey what's up gamers it's The Bear, and before you go off on a 3 day caffeine and or drug induced binge playing the 5 new Modern Warfare map pack Resurgence, which you can download for XBox 360 June 3, 2010. Let's talk a bit about Blur.
This game is nothing but pure fun. You know like the kind of fun you have when your in another country and you can do what ever you want because nobody knows you fun, that kind of fun. Well maybe not that fun, but if you played the beta then you already know now fun this game can be. The multiplayer is nothing but a trash talkers dream. One minute your in first place and then some 14 year old kid who didn't go to school because it's 11:45 on a Monday afternoon. Shoots you and you end up in like 9th place out of nowhere. Your screaming at the top of your lungs at the little prick and all your neighbors hear is you yelling "screw you, you little jackass" and they think that I am yelling at my kids. I'm yelling how I'm going to blast him right in the ass with my shunt cannon (a weapon in the game) and all I have to say is that it was a long ride in the elevator that day. My kids weren't even home they were in school, where that little douch bag should have been.
Oh yea almost forgot those cheats.
Unlock the Chrome BMW
Cheat code: Highlight the BMW Concept 1 Series car within the Multiplayer Car Showroom and enter the code 'Left Trigger, Right Trigger, Left Trigger, Right Trigger.'
Fully Upgrade the Ford Bronco
Cheat code: Highlight the Ford Bronco within the Multiplayer Car Showroom and enter the code 'Left Trigger, Right Trigger, Left Trigger, Right Trigger.'
I haven't done them so I can't tell you if they work. Give em a try and get back to me.
They added some great new tracks and citys. L.A. to Spain to Tokyo. You get to drive drunk down some of the coolest road in the world. I think that's why they called it blur, because every time I play it I'm smashed. The controllers a blur the t.v. is a blur, everything. I love this game man. I think I have met more cool people playing Blur than i have on any other game, ever. There's something about light hearted f bombs that brings people together. Don't get me wrong you still have to do the career to upgrade your cars and mods, but in the long run it's worth it.
So if you don't have it and you have two boxes in your hands Blur and Split Second. Take that Split Second and wipe your but with it and fling it at that 12 year old you won't get off the XBox 360 display controller and let somebody else play and buy Blur. You won't regret it, and if you do well "Im sorry, my bad".
World of Warcraft, it's the closest you can come to watching paint dry.
Hey Gouki.com fam, what's going on? I've missed you guys. I went to Atlanta and did a few shows. Then the week after that I took my kids to the state fare and enjoyed free entrance for the kids and even discount tickets for me and the wife. Then went in and spent like $300 bucks on, well basically on crap. Pure crap.
Well let me explain why I'm calling World of Warcraft a bore. I felt that I couldn't talk about something unless I tried it out for myself. So on the advice of a close friend IGuapo, I got the 10 day trial and got started in a world of 11 million dorks and adventures. After carefully giving life to an Org or Ork what ever the hell that things name is, named him "iamwetoddit" and got started off on a quest to kill some pigs. About half way through I realized that I would rather teabag a piranna tank. All your doing is running and running and running. If there's 11 million people running around in this World of Dorkcraft the only thing that gives me peace of mind is that there safe at home and not getting beat up in a ally somewhere by a level 11 thug, The only muscles these guys must have are all focused on the 3 fingers on their left hands and the pointer finger on the right.
If you really want to have some fun, check out Blur. This game is like Mario Cart for adults. I'm having so much fun with this demo. It's a kick ass multiplayer game that I can't wait to pick up. Might even bring some of my used games to Gamestop so they could knock a cool $3.42 off my bill. GOD I HATE THAT PLACE.
So to cut it short. Turn on your XBox and download Blur, and if your more into the World of Warcraft just grab your balls and put them in the nearest door jam and smash them. YOU SHOULD NOT PROCREATE....
Cuidate mi Jente....
Take a minute to smell the......
Hey, what's up Gouki.com fam? How's everything tonight? I played a few games this week, even finished Assassin's Creed 2 but took a break today. That's right I took a break. When was the last time you took a day off?
Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to Splinter Cell Conviction and all, UFC 2010 and all that, but there's a break in good games at the moment and we should take advantage. Shit man, take a moment to smell the vagina/balls, whatever you're into. Today I went out with my lady and just looked for crab to cook for dinner, In other words, I didn't play Xbox 360 today!! Well at least most of today, at one point she was in the shower and I didn't know what to do.
I don't want to cut this short or sound like I'm bragging but,,,,
Shit people, take time in your busy lives to enjoy things that Xbox didn't make. I heard that thing called vagina is pretty good.
As far as I go, I'm gonna go get some. In other words I'll see you in a few minutes...Gotta download some demos..
By: PapaBear420 Mar 11, 2010 | 8 Comments
Assassin's Creed 2 is a hit. I give it 5 fist pumps....
Let's talk about Assassin's Creed for a bit. I cought on to the bandwagon a bit late again but this game is fun. You play Enzio, this dude is like the first Guido withought the GTL you know, (gym, tan, laundry) the Guido mantra. The game is crisp and visuals are awesome. If you get bored you can freerun around the rooftops. If you got a buzz on, every now and then you can feel it when he falls off of a roof. Could be just me, still have some brownies left. I was playing the other day and got one of those achievement things. It was called RED LIGHT ADDICT. This ment that I spent 5000 florians on coutesans, in normal talk thats 5000 bucks on whores. That is a feet because you only spend about 150 for 4 of those trampy whooores to follow you around town. You think that's how the people at MTV got those putanas from Jersey Shore, you know J-Woww, Angelina, Sammy and Clamidia AKA Snooki Beaverichi. Thats alot of florians...
Anyway like I was saying. AC 2 is a pretty fun game if you can get it from a friend like I did. It's not going to have great resale value. So dont expect the 3 dollar credit that GameStop is always so generous to offer (screw you GameStop). If you were a fan of the first Assassin's Creed then get it, but wait for the price to drop. Your not missing that much, it's the same run your ass off for 20 min. game that you've come to love.
As far as Jersey Shore goes, rumor has it they will be filming in South Beach next season. A state with a very loose gun control policy. This should be good, Jersey Shore meet Liberty City.
I say Rent it!
Alice in Wonderland opens March 5. Get your fungus ready...
I'm not going to give you the same old preview that everyone else is doing. You know the story of Alice and if you don't you'll get it the second time. I recommend shrooms the first time, then go see it straight. It'll be like watching two movies.
Anyway, the person I want to spotlight in the movie is Matt Lucas (Tweedledee/Tweedledum), this guy 's got guts. Think about it, he is putting himself in Tim Burtons circus of freaks like Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, and that little indian guy that played a Oompa Loompa (you think he pulls hoes). He will never live this down, like the girl that did the herpes commercials. Well I don't think he'll have the same problems. I can see a girl calling a friend and bragging that she just banged Tweedledum but I don't think that people are going to rush to the phone and say "hey dude, I just banged the chick from the herpes commercial" at least not with the same excitement in their voice.
So if you ever see Matt Lucas pat him on the back and say "hey at least your not the herpes chick"(that would be funny if people actually started doing that, the guy would flip). In fact if you ever see a friend having a bad time tell him/her the same thing and it will cheer him/her up. Well, if they don't have herpes, then you might get a different response.
Oh and there's a game based on the movie for the Wii ... creepy.
How far the video vixen has come.
What's up gamers, it's Papa Bear. Let's talk about the vixens of the video game world for a bit. I hate to date myself but I remember when Ms Pacman was the hot chick on the gaming scene, and who didn't try to save the princess in Mario Bros. so he could get some in the tower as the credits rolled.
Let's take a look at the new hottie in gametown, and she goes by the name Bayonetta. I haven't played the game, not interested but WOW she's hot. I saw a trailer for it and I had to have my kids leave the room (it was private time.) I mean at one point her clothes come off and it looks like they kill you or something. Who cares I was just looking for butt crack in the scene. With the glasses and the lollypop, I mean this has got to be the sexiest vixen yet.
Sex has become the backbone of the video game industry. From Laura Crofts short shorts to pressing the right buttons to help Kratos in God of War not be a two pump chump. Sex sells, so now you do more then just play baseball in a game, you can bang a blue chick. How far we have come indeed, I mean even SIMS get laid, fucking SIMS.
Let's face it it's only a matter of time. Asia is the leader in gaming and porn. You make the connection. Soon it won't be safe to touch your friends Wii remote. Think about that next time you touch that same friends computer keyboard (internet porn is free). Not to mention Project Natal, that's going to be a virgins dry hump heaven. So this is a warning to all fellow parents in the future, KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER YOUR KIDS ROOMS because gaming is getting hot.
Why is my game making me read?
What's up Gouki.com fans. I'm Papa Bear, you may know me as the wasted guy in Vlog #5. I was also the guy that was wrecked in Vlog 10. I just picked up Fallout 3, I know a bit late but in my defence I'm not that much of a gamer.
What the hell, I popped the game in and just started reading all this crap about what kind of person I'd be in the screwed up post apocalyptic (thank you spell check) world that has no weed. I didn't pack a bong and eat a brownie to read. Just like I don't buy porn to read. That's just a medaphor (once again, spell check rules), because nobody buys porn any more. Thank you internet!!! Anyway like I was saying I'm sick of games that force me to be smarter than a 5th grader, it makes my brain hurt. Just give me a monster or some crazy naked lady with one boob hanging out to shoot at already. That's what I play for. Bring back the shoot em up style that we love and stop the hey look at me I can focus after a bong and 2 brownies (ate one while writing this) later. PLEASE!!!!!!!!
Smoke, then ... Buy it!
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