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Enslaved Odyssey to the Nubfarm review

By: goukijones Dec 14, 2010 | 6 Comments

Another adventure, beat-em up game. Enslaved tries to pull in features from other games, how well does that work? I will tell you, I beat the game in 1 sitting. About 6 hours. Here's my review ...

Remember Randy Pitchford said he loves this game. You have to comb every corner of the Enslaved world and pick up little orange orbs that are like money in the game. You can talk to your partner chick (Who's name is Trip and she is kinda hot. For being all smelly and dirty.) Trip has this wonderful store she can access, full of upgrades to your health and shield. She can also mod your weapon and teach you new fighting moves. Weird how you are running for life with this chick and she has all this stuff with her, but makes me BUY IT. Sad face. Anyway back to the collecting the orbs and Randy Pitchford, did you enjoy picking up every single dollar on the ground in Borderlands?! Please in Borderlands 2, can my guy just automatically suck up whatever money he runs over.

When I watched the FNJimmy golden video review Enslaved Odyssey to the West. I knew I had to play Enslaved. I did and I beat the shit out of it. I had all the moves the main guy can unlock by level 4 or 5. Pro-tips: I don't ever level health or shield or armor in these games early on or most games for that fact. I believe that if you are good in the combat you don't need to worry about your health. Needless to say, I was beating the shit out of these things fairly easy. Which brings me to the enemies. There are only 4 types of enemies. Mechs, which is exactly what they call them in the game, come out in a few different classes. All railable immediately if you knew what you are doing with the combat. Giant dogs, which are called .. dogs. I know what you are thinking. There is one giant Rollie Pollie boss fight. Another scene you fight scorpions, which in the game are called scorpion mechs. lol.

The game is easily PWNable in 8 hours or less. The characters are the best part of this game. They are all well acted, well voiced and well written. I laughed a few times when the writing in the game made fun of how stupid the gameplay is. Platforming rig comes out of the side of the building and there's a switch at the top - hit switch. Another platforming rig on the other side of the symmetrical building comes out with another switch at the top. "Oh are you kidding me with this crap?" Says the main character. I like that stuff. I didn't mind doing those chores in the game because I got a little laugh out of them once in a while.

The final battle was worth the play through for me and the story ending wasn't that bad either. Like I said, the game has good writing. FNJimmy told me he beat the game and it was only 12 chapters. Well when I was on chapter 14 and 4am playing this, I knew I was fucked. Still some of the best platforming comes in at the end of the game. The puzzles and the combat were still all bullshit. The ending is definitely a highlight for the game and I don't mean when the actual credits roll.

The combat is the major problem here, it's bland and aggravating. Even while blocking I would take a pounding. It was real difficult to keep control of the fights. The camera is definitely not your friend at all while playing Enslaved. With the combat it just came down to timing special moves, when I knew I could use them most effectively. To just smashing the X or Y button, because any type of chain combo with two buttons did nothing sepcial. Smash on X until your "Rod" glows then hit Y. The Jimmy does this awesome 10 hit combo. It's completely automatic and goes in whatever direction you're facing. Pretty bad. The A button also got worked over pretty well. The platforming that some might say LOOKS like Uncharted 2, PLAYS nothing like Uncharted 2. As long as you're smashing the A button and rotating the thumb stick toward which ever way you wanted to go, he just jumped. No big deal, hanging from the side of moving air-trains or dangling over bottomless pits. The main guy would jump and catch on, or swing through, with out ever being in any danger. Unless he was getting shot at, but c'mon, nubfarm.

I beat this game in 1 sitting. Call what you will, I call it PWNn. I wouldn't waste your money on this game. It's already at a very low price, but it's not even worth it. There's tons better stuff for you, that you could be playing right now! Why are you even reading this? Enslaved Odyssey to the West get a ...

Flush it!

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Singularity review one sitting

By: goukijones Jul 1, 2010 | 2 Comments

It's true 1 sitting is all it took for me to get through singularity. Dare you read on ...

Let the Twitter timeline speak for itself.

9:39 PM Jun 29th from #gouki is starting up Singularity Right now! http://gouki.com/GoukiJones

11:05 PM Jun 29th I unlocked the Secret Achievement achievement on Singularity! http://gouki.com/GoukiJones - Shockingly not the END.

4:01 AM Jun 30th I unlocked 15 Xbox achievements on Singularity! http://gouki.com/GoukiJones

7 hours of straight pwnn. And it was straight too, this must be the first ever FPS on rails. There are absolutely no left or right turns in Singularity. You have to bring what little action there is to a crawl to search around for things to level up with. Here's an idea, just give me XP for the enemies I kill, don't make me scour the frickin' floors man. I'm trying to save the world! Not that killing the enemies is any different, they just ran around like reh-tards. Worst AI ever. I did die a few times and then learned the enemies spawn order, I caught one enemy so off guard that he just ran circles around me. 

I guess the game is closely associated with Bioshock, but Jesus Christ was not looking down upon these nubs during the production of this game. Everything is in the wrong spot, too much of nothing is constantly happening around you. One of my favorite parts of the game are both endings. Very surreal cool imaginings of post apocalyptic worlds. As I'm writing this I have just found out there is a third ending. If only they spent more time on the game and not the ending cut scenes.

5:15 Kill yourself. Best ending in video game history.

7:00 Kill your buddy. Rule the world.

8:30 Fuck everybody. Go into hiding.

Pro Tip: As soon as you beat it, restart the last level and do the opposite ending for a quick achievement without having to relive this god awful game.

The game is bugged, fuckin' bugged out. Borderlands had invisible wall like a mutha. Singularity has invisible floors. I swear, I'd be running on a straight path and then something just stops me. I look down, I can't see anything blocking my way. Move forward, sure enough some brick or hose or something that is painted into the horrible rendered floors is blocking my way. Jimmy?

Pro Tip: Just run up to every enemy you come across and shotgun him in the face. Upgrade the shot gun, irrelevant. You have to switch guns when you fight the giant thing on the train. At that point use your mini-gun.

The guns suck, the thing on your hand is cool unfortunately the coolest thing about it is when you get to level it up. After each level ... well uh, I don't know what happened. Nothing ever seemed to change. I got new guns and powers, but leveling stuff up didn't seem to make a difference. Watch this video of leveling up your TDM Device(the thing on your hand)

I played one match of the multiplayer online. Nothing special here. I had no idea what was going on in the game. In real life I had the idea of what I was doing was horrible and I should stop immediately.

Pro Tip: Don't play this game. You just saw the coolest parts in the videos above.




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