Review: Crackdown 2 what the fuck is this cut and paste bullshit

goukijones Posted by: goukijones Jul 16, 2010 | 3 comments
Tagged: review
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Crackdown 2 is way worse than the first one. Don't even, you don't even need to read this. Just flush it yo.

I had to get a drink before I wrote this review. Crackdown 2 and I called it - way back in October - is the same game, minus the cool story. When I say the same game, I mean the same game. You can't tell the difference. If you walked into my house and saw me playing Crackdown 1 and you know what Crackdown is and that part 2 just came out. You would think it was Crackdown 2. Irrelevant. Ruffian Games and I'm calling these Jimmys out, just cut and pasted everything from Crackdown 1 and someone had the brilliant idea to add zombies. Even the hidden shit is in the exact same spot, c'mon Jimmy - print it and ship it and charge people full retail. ZOMG do not pay full price for Crackdown 2, fuck man don't even pay for it. BatRastered called it, it could have been DLC.

I do love collecting the orbs though. I have 474 agility orbs and 27 of the moving shits. 170 something of the hidden ones, I already knew where half of there were. All of my levels are maxed out except for shooting, which I just use rockets and g-nades. So I always get explosive points and not gun points. I also don't drive. I can fucking jump over the entire city. Why would I drive? You're not going to believe this, but FNJimmy maxed out his driving the first day. **Pro-tip** Grab the agility orbs Jimmy!

Watch this preview ...

Doesn't that look like a lot of fun, especially with 4 people playing. Guess what? Never played with more than 3 because nobody on my friends list bought this stupid game. They knew something I didn't. Anyway, that preview ... Bullshit. If you are near any explosion in the game, your body flails wildly in the sky and falls back down to the earth completely out of your control. Friendly fire fucks you up. The wingsuit, the shit you see the four Jimmys flying through the sky with ... terrible. I have no idea how it works. I'll spend an hour climbing a fuckin' building, jump off the top to do the wingsuit challenge and crash violently to the pavement. FUCK!

Climbing the building is so much fun. Such a unique puzzle aspect to some of them and I really enjoy getting to the peak of the highest buildings. Just today, before I sat down to write this review, I climbed all the way to the top of the agency tower. Even got the moving agility orb up there. I wanted the achievement though. Pebble Dash - From the top of full-height Agency Tower, leap into the chimney stack and live to tell the tale! I jumped off, bumped a wall on the way down and ended up in the bottom of a toilet bowl. Crackdown 2 is officially banned. First of all no achievement? I'm alive muthafucka! I'm in the bottom of a toilet bowl. So that was a waste of time.

I managed to trap myself in two different places on two different occasions. Once while grabbing orbs I came across the piece of what looked like a enclosed bridge hanging in the water. At this point I am fucking with the game to see what happens. Sure enough I swim underneath and when I come up for air, I'm in a little room I can't find my way out of. Suicide ensues. Another time I caught some bad Jimmys coming through a door way, I ran right into the door way and started to pound the shit out of them. The doors closed behind me. I was stuck again. Suicidal tendencies.

Is anybody testing this game? How can this game make it to the street without somebody saying.

"Hey you almost want to die. You can respawn instantly with full ammo."

"What's the story? I just gotta turn on 27 relay towers?"

"This looks exactly like Crackdown 1."

"The zombies are worthless. Just pound the shit out them with your fists."

The game curses at you like a sailor if you do not complete the final mission immediately.

"What the FUCK are you doing agent?" Says the Voice of the Agency. I was shocked the first 17 times he screamed at me.

I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. You have got to take Crackdown 2 and Flush it. Go play Crackdown 1 it's a better game.

Crackdown 2

6,934 Views
5 Stories

Release Date: Jul 6, 2010

Buy it! 30 % - Rent it! 30 % - Flush it! 40 %
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