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Razer Onza hands-on CES 2011 with goukijones

By: goukijones Jan 10, 2011 | 10 Comments

Quick there's a scruffy white dude looking at the xbox controller, send out the cute little Asian girl. Heard. goukijones literally gets a hand all over experience with the new Razer Onza controller for Xbox 360.

Seriously, everything was completely professional. I did not care for this controller at all. I don't like cords and it comes with a 15 foot cord. sad face. There is no confirmed wireless version. The two extra shoulder buttons are programable and that is a cool idea. But they are too close togther. Maybe that would take some getting used to. I was also not impressed with the d-pad. Microsoft just created the twisty d-pad, which is great. The Razer Onza has another flat surface for the d-pad. Jimmy don't like that. The highlight of the controller is the adjustable thumbsticks. I really think that will make a huge differnce in any FPS experience. Hey yo, send me a wired one for free and then maybe I'll consider buying a wireless one.

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Windows Phone hands-on CES 2011 with goukijones

By: goukijones Jan 10, 2011 | 9 Comments

Oh wow! The new Windows Phone is here. I hate cell phones. Bing.com hating on Gouki.com caught on tape!

So some of you may not know this, but I hate cell phones. Yes, yes, I'm glad to have mine and I use it a lot. Sometimes though, I could just be sitting on the couch and constantly checking it every two seconds. Then I catch myself doing this and I get very angry. I feel way to attached to it. Then when your girlfriend is constantly texting you and geting angrier and angrier because you aren't responding. You don't know, you left the phone in another room so you would be sucked into it's unholy control over your mind.
Anyway, I think I'm way off topic here. I could do with out cell phones that's for sure. But everything around me would fall apart. Check out me trying to get on Gouki.com with the new Windows Phone at CES 2011. 

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Motion controls are not the future

By: BatRastered Aug 24, 2010 | 14 Comments

Do any of these "games" look fun? Let's not forget that this industry is about the games, not the control schemes!

We are nearing the release of the Sony Move for the PS3 and Microsoft Kinect for XBOX 360. This marks a dramatic difference from previous generations of console video games. Usually after 5 years, you get a slight redesign and you start to hear whispers, rumors, or teasers for the next version of the console (to be released about 2 years later). This time, while we have the slim versions, we are getting add-ons to the existing consoles and whispers that these consoles will be with us for quite some time to come.

Certainly, Nintendo has had mainstream success with the Wii, though I wonder if that's because of the motion controls or in spite of them and due simply to the significant price advantage the big N enjoyed through most of the Wii's lifecycle. I own a Wii, and it is rarely powered on compared to my XBOX or PS3. The reason for this is simple; games. Being an older gamer and an experienced gamer (I've played since the Atari 2600 days) I tend to enjoy bigger games and more mature games. Mass Effect (1 & 2), Red Dead Redemption, Halo 3, Batman Arkham Asylum, Uncharted, God of War III... all great games from this generation; none of those are available on the Wii. There is a large selection of casual games (Wii sports and the like) on the Wii, and that's great for a party, I guess, but it doesn't scratch that gaming itch for me.

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goukijones

Vlog #14 E3 2010 press conference review

By: goukijones Jul 1, 2010 | 10 Comments

Introducing BatRastered, with special guests FNJimmy and Choke. Also special appearances by Major Nelson, StarSlay3r, Geoff Keighley, and gaming legend Adam Sessler.

Filmed just one week removed from E3 2010 the Gouki.com staff looks back at the E3 2010 press conferences. Introducing BatRastered, with special guests FNJimmy and Choke. Also special appearances by Major Nelson, StarSlay3r, Geoff Keighley, and gaming legend Adam Sessler. This non-stop romp the E3 press conferences is a brutal realization that these major corporations barely know how to entertain. EA's press conference had the most potential entertainment wise just hoping that Joel Mchale might just say something crazy. Which almost happened, but he seemed reserved most of the time and had to read very specific lines at some point. Sony lost points because Jack Tretton straight up says he didn't want Kevin Butler hosting because of his own EGO. WTF? So bore us to death.

Then there's the games which is mostly what this is about. Don't be a Jimmy! Enjoy Vlog #14 E3 2010 press conference review.

Leave some comments Jimmy and like this story!! Thanks.

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Xbox Live Labs = Free Avatar Stuff

By: Cinderkin Mar 10, 2011 | 8 Comments

Microsoft's Director of Xbox Live Programming Larry "Major Nelson" Hryb, has announced via his blog that U.S. Xbox Live subscribers can participate in a service testing program called Xbox Live Labs beginning today.

Here is what Major Neslon had to say in his blog:

As a part of our ongoing commitment to improve Xbox LIVE, we are rolling out an optional testing program called Xbox LIVE Labs. Xbox LIVE Labs performs a number of network tests from your console to Xbox LIVE. These results are recorded solely for the purpose of testing and improving the service. Although we want your support, participating in Xbox LIVE Labs is entirely optional and voluntary. These results are recorded solely for the purpose of testing and improving the service and will not be used to identify you.

If you choose to participate, each completed test rewards you with a cool Avatar item and a zero point achievement as a thank you for your contribution.

There are a total of three Avatar items and three zero point achievements that you can earn for each completed test, including a lab coat, brain helmet, and crazy mad scientist hair!

Xbox LIVE Labs runs from March 10-27 and is open to all Xbox LIVE members living in the United States.

You will not be able to participate in other Xbox LIVE activities, such as gaming, watching movies or downloading music, while running Xbox LIVE Labs, and your Internet connectivity may be slower than usual. Sound good? Sign into Xbox LIVE and head over to the community channel where you’ll see the Xbox LIVE Labs panel. Click on it to download the testing app and the rest is pretty much self-explanatory.

The Xbox LIVE Labs testing application is currently available in the US only. After this round of testing, we’ll evaluate when and how we’ll roll this out to other Xbox LIVE regions.

Thanks for your help

So Jimmys be sure to jump on this for some free crap for your avatar. I plan to leave my box on while I sleep as it turns off automatically after 6 hours of inactivity.

Spoiler alert: FnJimmy gets railed.

I'm not gonna lie, I think the Kinect is a fucking joke except for dancing and exercise "games". However, I'll use it once just to kick FnJimmy's ass.

If you don't know, the Kinect is a motion sensor bar that allows you to "be the controller". To drive the car in this game you hold your hands out in front of you as if grasping an imaginary steering wheel. You turn it just like a real car, except that it doesn't work. You don't get to control the gas pedal because the Kinect can't see your feet move like that, which is a shame because, otherwise, this game could have failed at that too.

We begin with Jimmy having problems even navigating the menus. Why did we let him be first player again? Just kidding, Jimmy, I can't actually blame you for this one. In order to do this, he had to hold out his hand in the approximate position of the button and hold it there for a few seconds so the Kinect would realize he was trying to select something. Yes, this is way more convenient than pressing a button, way to go! For some reason the Kinect thought Jimmy was a girl and gave him a lady avatar... probably because he has no balls. I guess we don't get to select cars because it doesn't really matter. Now we're ready to race!

At the starting line I hold as still as possible. Jimmy is all over the place already. I see a tunnel coming up on the next turn, my gaming instinct tells me this is likely a shortcut. Also, not taking the shortcut would require more turning, so I aim for it. By "aim for it" I mean raise my right fist slightly higher than my left. As I do this, our host points out the upcoming shortcut on Jimmy's half of the screen. Jimmy's lightning fast reflexes allow him to deftly avoid this path mere seconds after it is pointed out to him (and on every subsequent lap). I set a new single lap record on the first lap. Meanwhile, the Microsoft rep is trying to tell us how to boost and do tricks while flying over jumps and such. These techniques cause your driver to leap from their vehicle and spin around for no real reason at all. No advantage is gained from performing the stunts, so I proceed to steer as little as possible to an easy 1st place finish as the lady is telling me "you're in first, don't let anyone pass you!" in excited tones. She's never seen anything like this before. She needs to relax, no one is going to catch me.

Jimmy finishes 5th, beating the three worst computer controlled racers on the course. A cardboard cutout of Jimmy standing still would've probably finished 3rd. Do you see on the screens following the race how similar all my poses are? Driftastic! Lean slightly to the left with one hand 2 inches higher than the other!

Someone forgot to record Jimmy's post-match interview, but it wen't something like this: "It was pretty good."

My impressions? Joyride doesn't offer you anything that feels like a race (well, except for beating Jimmy) or like driving a vehicle. It's rather boring and the Kinect is slower than using a controller to get you through the menus and such. I also felt sick after leaving the Microsoft booth at CES because of all the fucking green and purple lights. Seriously, stop with that shit.

Cinderkin found this game, Full House Poker tucked away in the corner of the Microsoft Booth at CES 2011. What the hell is this game?

Microsoft's booth was pretty quiet game wise. Halo Reach was there, something else I didn't really care about and can't even remember now. I just know I was extremely bored and wasn't there for really long. I couldn't wait to get out. Then I saw Cinderkin up agianst the back wall jammed between two televisions, squatting, looking through some narrow passage. A few minutes later when he caught up to me I asked him WTF?! He told me, he found this game called Full House Poker for your Xbox 360 Avatar. My reply ... Nubfarm. Here's the video.

In a move sure to surprise absolutely nobody, MS officially announced its support for the Kinect on Windows with a soon to be released software developer kit (SDK).

By far the most interesting things being done with Kinect since its release were the hacks that individuals were doing to support the device on PC and have it do things like provide vision for robots and map the room in 3D. Dozens of youtube videos that are way cooler than anything happening with the Kinect on the XBOX started showing up and MS seemed to be okay with it.

Now comes the word that they are more than okay with it, they will now actively support such efforts with an official SDK for Kinect on Windows. This non-commercial (read: free) SDK will be released this spring. Expect a commercial SDK (probably bundled with some version of Visual Studio) to be released at a later date.

It's only a matter of time now before you're controlling your PC "Minority Report" style.

Source: Microsoft

Age of Empires Online -- the next chapter in the best-selling Age of Empires PC game franchise -- will be available worldwide on August 16 in retail stores and online at ageofempiresonline.com.

With its launch, the game will feature two of the greatest ancient civilizations -- the Greeks and Egyptians -- and offer more than 40 hours of gameplay for free! 

Here are some interesting points from the Age of Empires FAQ

The following features are free to play:

  • Familiar Age of Empires gameplay, and downloadable to any PC for free!
  • The greatest ancient civilizations, including Greeks and Egyptians.
  • Constantly new, exciting, and evolving content.
  • Quest, battle, chat, and trade with other players.
  • Build and show off your own custom Capital City.
  • Enjoy historical settings with gorgeous visuals and a cool new art style.

So, it's a lot like a demo. I gues this is where games are headed. Here's what you get for upgrading to premium FWIW:

A Premium Civ Pack will add the following to your experience:

  • Rare and epic gear: Unlock gear that makes your units more powerful, with unique designs to make your armies stand out in battle.
  • Advisors: In the Advisor Hall, you can unlock unique units, such as armored elephants and civilization powers.
  • Tech Tree: Experience the full Tech Tree with fantastic end-game Star Techs. For example, generate resources from your Market, have your troops bandage themselves, or make your people immune to conversion in battle.
  • Player vs. Player: Set parameters for the gameplay you want and invite your friends to play,
  • Additional Inventory slots: More than double your inventory space.
  • More Workshops: Drastically improve your capital’s production with more workshops to create all the materials you need for crafting.
  • Craft Halls: Learn unit enhancements from additional Craft Halls and use them to your advantage in the game. You get seven to choose from, including the Military College, which enhances infantry; the Hunting Lodge, which enhances archers and missile units; and the Cavalry Hall, which enhances mounted units.
  • Empire Points: Get the ability to spend Empire Points on the best loot in the game. Empire Points reward you for having multiple civilizations.
  • In-game stores: Earn in-game currency from the stores in your Capital City.

No rebates this year... How about a bonus game instead? You'll need to buy a Kinect game though... :(

Here are the dates and prices for the Summer of Arcade 2011, enjoy!

Bastion

Bastion

1200 MSP, July 20 

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The Microsoft E3 2011 Press conference just wrapped up. How did it go? Here's what you need to know.

Another year, another Microsoft E3 press event. No Cirque du Soleil nonsense this year, just a straight up media briefing with tons of trailers and demos.

Here's a quick run down of what I saw.

The Good:

  • Gears of War 3 campaign looks as good as you'd expect. Plus Ice-T was on stage wearing a kick ass GoW3 shirt.
  • Mass Effect 3's Kinect enabled voice commands. Garrus, move up. Liara, use Singularity. Awesomesauce. Probably not enough to make me want a kinect, but cool.
  • Kinect easy avatar creation with fun labs (out now!) I've been waiting for this since avatars came out, I have a xbl vision camera gathering dust.

The Bad:

  • Starting off with MW3 and Tomb Raider was a bit weird. I don't know why the console makers feel the need to show off multi-platform games at their press conferences.
  • Halo: CE Anniversary, an HD remake of the first Halo game. Looks cool, but also looks like it's going to be a full price game. #ripoff
  • You're showing off Forza 4 with a Top Gear license... Where's the Stig? (For that matter where were any of the Top Gear crew?)

The Ugly:

  • Kinect football running in place.
  • Two words: FIST BUMP!
  • Fable the Journey Kinect game, waving your arms around like a Jimmy. I'd rather not.

An honorable mention must be made to the Halo 4 teaser and Tomb Raider for both being Fall 2012 games, meaning we'll see them at next year's E3 as well. #toosoon

Preview

goukijones

What do I want from E3 2010?

By: goukijones May 31, 2010 | 6 Comments

Don't be a Jimmy special edition of blithering and blathering. E3 2010 blog.

Let me say that this will be in no specific order. Let us get right into it. I want to play the reach multiplayer. I know the campaign will be fun so ... I'm sure it will be cool to play it at the show. Gears of War 3, not a Gears of War guy. I'm not a Call of Duty guy either. That's that for the shooters. I really want to see Brink from Bethesda. I'm not thrilled about the Fallout New Vegas which is made by a different developer this time, Obsidian Entertainment. The same Jimmys that are famous for making sequels to other great games.

In a season of its cars, Gran Turismo 5 is going to be Sony's showcase once again. Promising new and amazing brilliantly designed 3D environments. Wearing glasses are not man. You know what I mean Jimmy. What happened to Africa? Did it come out and I just don't know what I'm talking about? What the fuck was it about? Playing games now like Read Dead, I would love to drive around in a jeep in a living Africa and fuck around. Let be serious here. reipuerto mentions some ridiculous games. Little Big Planet 2, ok ... I know one Jimmy that has actually played that. Nothing about that shit is actually hard core. Maybe there is, I don't know I have never played it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Marvel VS Capcom 3 is very exciting. I cannot wait to see this, I've heard the game is super fast. The graphics are real free flowing and the comic book look is really cool. Marvel VS Capcom 3 will be one at the top of the first to see list. Have another drink Jimmy. Heard.

Final Fantasy XIV is another game at the top of my first to see list. I want a release date. I want to see gameplay. I want to know how frickin' much a month I'm going to get raiped on my bank account to sit in the middle of the town peddling kluptac wolf hides and firestick buns for 20gil each.

The Metroid is the only game I truly interested in seeing and playing. Because I am concered about the gameplay Jimmy. I don't want to have to switch to fist person on-the-fly to fight bosses and stuuuufff. So I want to see how that plays. Epic Mickey if it does look interesting at the show this would move up on my list. I have played some good Disney games in the day. Kingdom Hearts is nubfarm.

Please how about an update on the Vitality Sensor. I'd love to have my Wii hooked up monitoring my vitals while I play Halo Reach or ModNation Racers. ModNation Racers has me screaming at the TV. I love it. Race me. C'mon Iwata what is up with the relaxation game. Here's my Thursday afternoons in early October ... I'm playing the Shit out of Halo Reach multiplayer. The Wii Vitality Sensor is hooked up to my left nipple because I realized while playing it doesn't work on my index finger. The new Wii-laxition game for the Vitality Sensor just game out and I got a great deal on it. Are you following me?

Seriously I'm done with moving with games. A steering wheel might be cool, might be. Natal, no thanks. Sony with Move. LOL. My Uncle Jack Tretton is going to bring it hard at the Press Conference and I can't wait to see what happens. Jack Trenton is not dead.

Star Wars The Old Republic looks to me like it's going to be lacking in graphics. I need to see it in person. Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2, is it made by the same Jimmys? I need to see it in person. Batman Arkham Asylum 2, yes yes. Of course I want to play that game. Nobody knows anything about it right now. No need to rush it. Fable umpteen, I am a fable fan and I will play this game. Crysis 2 is the new Halo killer. Crysis 2? You have to be asking yourself why haven't you heard of Crysis 1, if Crysis 2 is going to be a Halo killer.

Surprise Zelda is still lame. That's going to be a shock for a lot of people. Killzone 3 is good! No not really. Sorry. Pokemon Battle dome Import any pokemon from the last two DS titles and watch them battle it out in 3D on the Wii. Like the old Battle Stadium for the, what system was that the Gamecube? Never mind. The Natal actually lets you import your actual nasty random Jimmy grill and paste it on to your avatar. Or finally put my real face on my multiplayer only Rainbow Six Vegas 4 guy. Thanks.

I'm very excited about E3 2010. I'm tired right now, it's 1 am June 1st, 2010. I agree with BatRastered, the game I want to see most is a game I don't know about. I'm gonna have one more drink. Don't forget about actually being on the E3 show floor. Who will have the best game of the show, or best booth, best schwag, hottest booth babe? I guess that pretty much sums it up.

*I have not read of this at this point. I posted it anyway. Jimmy! I reserve the right to add or edit anything in this story. I'm sure there is something I forgot to say. Something that I REALLYU want to say ...

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