Demon’s Souls is Stupid’s Shits

By goukijones — November 3, 2009
Tags: atlus difficulty-hard ps3-exclusive review rpg

You mean to tell me this game is not back and forth, back and forth, trial and error? You’re on drugs.

Day 1

I’ve read everything online about this game and how you are going to be either one way or the other about this game. You’re either gonna love it or hate it. I jumped in with an open mind and wanted to play this game. I did the character creation screen and with a hundred different faces to choose from and edit them all the way down the width of the chin is serious. I should have realized then this game is serious. The random face generator is pretty funny actually, especially if you just click the as a woman. I’ve never seen such ugly ass women in my life. Feminists have to be losing their minds over this. Then there’s a bar where you can change the face to manlier or more womanly … scary!

After I selected my class, Wanderer which is one of ten to choose from. I began the tutorial. All the fighting buttons are the triggers and easy to get used to. I kept getting the main action button confused with the heal button and the game would let me heal myself when I already have full health and waste a heal. This becomes a nightmare later on. (SPOILER) I died during the tutorial, oh wait I was supposed to.

I checked out the Nexus, which is the hub for weapons and storage and stuff, basically your home base. Once I figured out how to get out of there and fight the heat was on Jimmy! I get to the first world and I start climbing the steps and fighting demons. I died a few times and started to run low on heals. Then I realized it, I was dying, being sent back the ABSOLUTE beginning of the level all my heals were gone and all the souls I’ve collected. Frustration ensues. I got absolutely nowhere the first day.

Day 2

So I started over so I could focus on saving all my heals and try to take my time with the game.

Rei Puerto says “You have to take your time, slow and steady wins the race.”

Yes, yes slow and steady ok. So I begin to take my time and kill enemies slowly and try to get through the game. I pick up a new sword, is it good, is it better than the one I have. I DON’T KNOW, the symbols for what the weapons and armor do are some encrypted hieroglyphic bullshit! I text Rei again and tell him I don’t know what the fuck is going on in this game.

He replies “I’m going to send you a voice message so you can hear the passion in my voice.” A few seconds later I get a monotone voice mail. “Ok so the trick with Demon’s Souls is you have understand the mechanics.”

Yes, yes! What the fuck are the mechanics?

I played a little bit more after that, figured out how to repair my weapons and armor, since I was taking such a beating. I don’t think day 3 will happen anytime soon, because Dragon Age: Origins is released today.

For some reason I couldn’t find this game at my local Best Buy, Toys R Us, Target, and nobody has this game. Maybe because somebody else knows people would be returning this shit on the regular. Now … If you are hardcore JRPG Jimmy you need to check this out. I know people are enjoying this game. I just don’t think this a game for me.

Demon's Souls

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Release Date: Oct 6, 2009

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Demon’s Souls is Stupid’s Shits

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