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Written by: BatRastered (x)

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FAQ

By: BatRastered Sep 12, 2009 | 16 Comments

Frequently Asked Questions about Gouki.com. You should read this before using the site. Ask questions below.

Q: How do I write a story on Gouki.com?

A: Rule number 1: Don't be a Jimmy - Don't write a story with a title people won't understand. Don't write a story that starts with a bullet point and ends with a comma. When you write a story on Gouki.com it must be about video games. Otherwise BatRastered is going to be quick to delete it. Video game stories can be about anything though. Your story must be tagged with one of the following:

Blog. Fuck it. Blog it, write about whatever you want, however you want. As long as it's video game related.

Review. Write a review that follows our rating system. It's real easy. Reviews can be for hardware or software, new releases or old ass games, including demos and beta tests. 

Preview. You can post a video with a short description of a game. You could also write a story about a recent press release. These stories work best with a source attached. Remember BatRastered is watching.

News. We most certainly encourage our readers to post the news, but what we want to hear are your versions of it, your opinions. So don't just post a press release cut and paste job. Explain why you are interested in this game and why you want to share your interests with the Goukimunity.

Pictures. Want to share pictures, the best way to do that is to use any of the image sharing sites. I prefer photobucket.

Video. You only need to cut and paste the "watch url" from youtube into the body of your story. Do not paste the url into the source. After you save your story the video will appear. [See image below if nubfarm.] If you want to post a video - write a short explanation why you are posting this video and what it is about. 

how to post youtube videos on gouki

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About Us

By: BatRastered Sep 12, 2009 | Comments Off

About Gouki.com

WTF is a Gouki.com?

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Jimmy Gems video game awards 2010 winners

By: BatRastered Dec 29, 2010 | 12 Comments

And the awards go to...

Most Disappointing Game

Final Fantasy XIV

BatRastered: Any game that sends you a letter apologizing for itself is a strong contender here. I mean, holy crap. I knew this game was trouble when goukijones couldn't get the benchmark program to run on a newish Windows 7 machine. It’s amazing that, even though I didn’t expect this game to be good at all, I was still very disappointed by what it turned out to be.

Goukijones: From the moment BatRastered explained that the benchmark program was trying to use DirectX 9 - from 10 years ago. To the letter I got from Square Enix that said "We fired everybody, We're very sorry, FF14 is still free." This is by far one of the biggest debacles in the history of video games. Square Enix went from 14 billion $$$ to 1 billion $$$ estimated earnings. Square Enix rushed FF14 out to try and capture an escaping market from WoW and FF11. Square Enix also tried to get a jump on other major MMO releases like DC Universe Online and the Star Wars The Old Republic. Also the most recent WoW update railed the FF14 sales. Because of all of this, Deus EX was "delayed", I say it's canceled. There's rumors that FF13 Versus or whatever those alleged spin-offs were called, have also been canceled. Kingdom Hearts III is never going to come out. Square Enix and it's fans are in for a rough 2011.

 

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New Bulletstorm Skillisode Volume 3

By: BatRastered Jan 28, 2011 | 11 Comments

Juggler, Gang Bang, and Burn revealed.

Which is your favorite?

Bulletstorm - Skillisode Volume 3 trailer

 

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Top 6 fake names for the next XBOX

By: BatRastered Oct 23, 2010 | 23 Comments

The next XBOX won't be showing up for a while, but that hasn't stopped people from guessing what it might be called.

6. XBOX 362 (or 360-2)

Why it's believed: It's a sequel so it's got a two after it (or added to it)

Why it won't happen: Technically it would be the third XBOX, but 363 would be really confusing. Also, this is a terrible name for a product either way you write it.

 

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Batman Arkham City Co-Op with the Joker trailer

By: BatRastered Jan 26, 2011 | 16 Comments

Is Batman teaming up with the Joker in the next game?

This video makes it look like the Dark Knight is getting a helping hand from the Joker in the latest adventure from Rocksteady. You can even do team moves where the Joke gives Batman a boost or Batman hurls Joker towards an inmate for a take down.

There's no official news on this yet, and this trailer was from a French site, so who knows.

I'm speculating that this is a whole different game mode, similar to the challenge mode in the first game, where you can co-op through it. I doubt this will happen in the main story. What do you think? Will we see other team-ups in this mode?

 

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Brink gets an official release date

By: BatRastered Jan 27, 2011 | 6 Comments

Brink will arrive in North America May 17, Hunted arrives June 1

Bethesda announced their full 2011 lineup today. Many dates were already known (like 11/11/11 for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim), but we finally got a more specific date for brink. Mark your calendars for the 17th of May, Jimmy!

source: http://bethblog.com/index.php/2011/01/27/release-dates-announced-for-brink-hunted/

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More Duke Nukem Forever Release Date Nonsense

By: BatRastered Jan 5, 2011 | 12 Comments

I'm pretty sure this game isn't coming out when they say it is.

Amazon is still taking pre-orders, but the date has moved back from February 1 to May 31.

As previously stated in another story, this is all speculation. The Amazon page still says:

Official pricing and release date have not been announced by the publisher. These are estimates only and subject to change.

There is no official box art on the site, and the description for the XBOX 360 version still has the info from Borderlands on it.

Don't be fooled!

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BatRastered

Top 6 things to do while your PS3 is updating

By: BatRastered Dec 8, 2010 | 16 Comments

Went to play some Modnation Racers today and had to install 3 updates to the game plus a system update. Here's what to do while you wait for your PS3

1. Write a story on Gouki.com

Yeah, I wrote this while I was waiting... For real.

2. Play a few races of Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit on your XBOX 360.

I also squeezed three of these in.

3. Take a shit.

Had a burrito for dinner. It had to come out.

4. Read your email.

I only had 3 new ones

5. Masturbate

Uhhhh.... Didn't do this, but I could have.

6. Tweet a screenshot of your update screen.

I didn't but Goukijones did

[UPDATED]

Bonus items: I did these after writing this story.

7. Walk to the mailbox.

8. Update my story.

9. Left a comment.

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BatRastered

Serious stress relief from playing video games?

By: BatRastered Jan 14, 2011 | 13 Comments

Two new studies find that the engrossing virtual worlds and visual puzzles found in video games significantly lessen individuals' physical pain or mental stress.

We need to get FnJimmy playing Tetris.

Research funded by the National Institutes of Health and presented at the American Pain Society's annual scientific meeting found that playing video games does more than just distract people from physical pain. By engaging other senses, such as sight and touch, game play reduces signals in areas of the brain that are associated with pain. This is particularly true for games that are motion-controlled or feature 3-D worlds, which offer a more fully engaging experience. In a test conducted with burn victims, researchers found that playing video games reduced patients' reported pain ratings by 30 to 50 percent.

Another study conducted by researchers at Oxford University and published in Public Library of Science found that visual puzzles, such as the classic video game Tetris, could reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Following exposure to video clips, participants recorded how often they experienced flashbacks from the film. Those who played Tetris experienced fewer nightmares and painful flashbacks than participants who played a trivia game or did nothing. The study suggests that games challenging a player's visuospatial skills may offer a cognitive treatment against the development of PTSD.

Source: The Entertainment Software Association (ESA) newsletter.

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Bulletstorm team skillshot video: Tug-O-War

By: BatRastered Jan 21, 2011 | 14 Comments

Another good one in the series of preview trailers for this game...

From the twitterverse:

Bulletstorm fans have chosen. THIS is the Team Skillshot they wanted to see unveiled:

Pulling people apart... awesome.

Video

BatRastered

Call of Duty spoof: The Duty Calls

By: BatRastered Feb 2, 2011 | 11 Comments

Download and play for free.

This appears to be some viral marketing by Epic ahead of Bulletstorm's release.

Check out the video, and if you are on PC download the demo at thedutycalls.com

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