E3 2012 Awards. Not Your Typical Award Show

By goukijones — June 12, 2012
Tags: blog e3-2012

Every year we attend E3 and every year we want to share some of the most ridiculous stuff we come across. So here are our awards for E3 2012 you might not be thinking about while watching/playing all the new games.

Best Booth
GoukiJones Says: 2K for the free drinks and having two playable versions of Borderlands. Also Nintendo for having the hottest booth babes and easy to play demos. *Shout out to Square for having a proper set up as well.

BatRastered Says: Square for being the best overall lay out (big screen, lots of stations, demo booths running every 30 min on a published schedule), and line passes for the press to play games.

Best Console
GoukiJones Says: Xbox. Halo 4 shocked me and I will be playing it day 1. More importantly though, Xbox wins because of Summer of Arcade again. I played all the games at E3 and I want to play them all when they come out. Which ones I’ll actually buy? Dust for sure. Wasn’t there a game called Dust last year? Do I even know what I’m talking about? No.

BatRastered Says: Meh - none of the consoles impressed me in any way. Xbox wins by default because that’s what I play at home?

Best Press Conference
GoukiJones Says: Ubisoft - Watch Dogs bro, Watch Dogs.

BatRastered Says: Ubisoft - not even a contest, big 3 all had one or two cool things to show off, followed by Zzzz. EA is all FPS and Maddens.

Worst Booth

GoukiJones Says: 2K for the red wall of doom.

BatRastered Says: 2K red wall literally made me ill whenever I walked by it.
Capcom for the black box of nothing (when you could play most of those games elsewhere on the floor).

Best Swag
GoukiJones Says: Borderlands 2 for having 2 different t-shirts, a button and loot to download later for the PC version.

BatRastered Says: Borderlands 2 all of the above, plus they[2K] gave us beer.

Most Laughable
GoukiJones Says: Sleeping Dogs. The guy driving the car wasn’t even touching the steering wheel. AND the steering wheel wasn’t even moving! I was pointing and laughing during the entire demo. 

BatRastered Says: Sleeping Dogs - Shooting out a car’s tire makes it launch into the air like a rocket ship. Shooting the driver while the car is flipping allows it to land correctly and drive away. WTF? Why even show me this demo?

Most slept through moment
BatRastered Says: Wonderbook - J.K. Rowling and Sony team up to make an augmented reality book work with the Move... boredom ensues for like 20+ minutes. The boat scene from AssCreed3 was also slept through with GoukiJones waking up twice and not believing it was still the same game on the screen.

Not what we expected
GoukiJones Says: Dishonored. I watched a demo and played this game. Although it may look like Bioshock from the outside, there were some interesting features. You could possess creatures in the world such as fish, dogs, other animals AND humans. There was also a lot of climbing. Who doesn’t like getting to the top of things in video games?

BatRastered Says: Hybrid - it wasn’t just the normal shooter that seems to be thrown in the summer of arcade every year. It had some different gameplay mechanics.

Most worthless accessory
BatRastered Says: Wii-U gamepad. Yeah you can only use this in the new SMBU to assist (or hinder) the other players by placing blocks, you don’t really get to play. It’s cool for mini-games and great for in-game menus... but I came away underwhelmed.

GoukiJones Says: Nyko Fightstick. It’s great that Nyko wants to compete in the Fight Stick market. The stick separates and you can set it up for a lefty or righty control scheme. BUT $180?! That’s not gonna work.

Most unnecessary use of 3D
GoukiJones Says: Star Trek The Movie The Game. Nobody had anything to do with 3D on the floor or during the press conferences this year. The Star Trek Jimmys just could resist showing off their demo with 3D glasses. Guess what, they didn’t need it all. The game looks interesting and exciting, we don’t need 3D.

BatRastered Says: I didn’t see any 3D this year... WOOHOO!

Shortest demo with a Developer
GoukiJones Says: XCOM: Enemy Unknown. Inside the 2K booth XCOM was shown, but only for like 10 minutes. I mean, they literally just should a couple of turns from the combat and kicked us out. (Read more)

BatRastered Says: XCOM: Everybody in the demo was so surprised it was over that the guy had to tell us to leave 3 times before it sunk in. The look of confusion all around was amazing.

Most Useless
GoukiJones Says: Hawken. I’ve been hype for Hawken since I first saw the trailer 2 years ago. I’ve contacted those Jimmys a few times about an interview and they always blow us off. I finally got to play at E3, but with 0 help. I would get killed upon first contact and then teabagged. I’d go around the consoles to see who I was playing against and it was some nuab in a Hawken t-shirt. Classy company.

BatRastered Says: Konami: They emailed us asking if we wanted a booth tour. I replied saying yes and asking for a date/time. No response. I reply again a week before the show and get and out-of-office reply with a new person to email if I’m trying to book E3 appointments. I email the new contact. No response. The line to play Metal Gear Rising: Revengence is too long for us to wait in at the show, we have other things to do, so I ask about a line pass for media. No dice. Okay, enjoy the lack of coverage of your big game!

Hottest Booth
GoukiJones Says: Activision Transfomers Rise of the Fallen Dark Moon. This shit was HOT AS HELL. I left 3 pounds lighter, easily. We were going to shoot a GoukiJones VS FnJimmy video in there, but we just couldn’t stand it after one play through of the demo. One of the worst moments ever at E3. Drippin'!

BatRastered Says: Activision Transformers: I thought I was getting rained on, turned out it was just sweat dripping from my head onto my shoulders. It was like a sauna in there only without the nice cedar smell.

Worst Presentation

GoukiJones Says: Bethesda. 45 minutes, 2 demos. I was fighting to stay awake during this. If I ever wanted to know what narcolepsy felt like, it was watching The Elder Scrolls Online & Dishonored demo. Now I’m hype for both of these games, but there was something in that room that was fucking putting me to sleep. The Elder Scrolls Online demo was just video presentations with some nuab talking in between them. Maybe I’ll write more about that later. The Dishonored part had two Jimmys reading a script -who could barely read mind you- and some “dev” in the room behind them playing the demo. LIES. That was a recording too. How do I know you ask? Because the two Jimmys were reading a script and somehow knew what to say when he died or finished certain areas. Terrible.

BatRastered Says: Nintendo Media Briefing: First of all, which one? Nintendo had 3 confusing conferences. It started on Sunday with an online show of Iwata talking about the Wii-U hardware. He showed off what had changed on the gamepad from what was shown last year, and announced the “Pro” controller (which looks a lot like an Xbox controller). On Tuesday, we got the full on conference which started off with Miyamoto showing us Pikmin 3, followed by Reggie telling us they were just going to talk games today and not announce Wii-U specs, release date, or price. There was a demo of Arkham City’s “Armored Edition” for the Wii-U where you could have heard a pin drop people were so bored. Then they came out to talk about the 3DS, saying we’ve only got time to show you a few things, but there will be ANOTHER online press conference for just the 3DS (ugh!) people seemed bored by the short 3DS demos shown. Then there was the WTF moment of Nintendoland which ended the show twice (I don’t know how to explain it other than once you thought it was over, Reggie comes out says it’s over, goodbye, etc.. but here’s more Nintendoland then it shows some rendered fireworks as the lights come up, WTF?)

Biggest Disappointment
GoukiJones Says: Aliens: Colonial Marines. Non playable Xenos?! Only the Devs got use them. That’s right. I remember getting raiped from above constantly. #dontbeajimmy

BatRastered Says: Aliens: Colonial Marines: I was plotting in line to let people pass so we got to be on the Xeno side, then FnJimmy pointed out that the players on the other side weren’t moving between games. I looked at their badges and sure enough, they were all Gearbox employees. I was still hyped to try out the game, but I really wanted to know what it was like to play as the aliens.

Coolest Sideshow
GoukiJones Says: AverMedia. Team Gouki competed in an Avermedia Super Street Fighter IV AE2012 edition tournament. FnJimmy was the first eliminated. GoukiJones and BatRastered made it further into the tournament, but were both taken out by the same pro Snake Eyes. PWNT!

Where are they now?
BatRastered Says: Games from the last year or two of E3 that were no-shows this year: Overstrike, Furious 4, The Last Guardian, Agent, Transformers Universe (MMO), XCOM (FPS)

You're more than welcome to add your takes and awards below. I'd love to hear what stood out for you and what should be honored. Vote, Comment & Share. Don't be a Jimmy!


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