Blog: Halo Wars Pwnfest a gamer journal part 1

goukijones Posted by: goukijones Aug 22, 2010 | 6 comments
Tagged: blog journal
View all stories by goukijones


While playing an ass ton of Halo Wars the last 3 days I kept a journal of the most pwnn events ever. Unedited, these are the true stories ...

August 20, 2010

Just woke up and made a cup coffee. Sat down for a few minutes and looked at some websites. Estrada had been texting me about the All Units! All Units for those of you who don't know, is the Halo Wars. I'm totally addicted to this game right now. So bad, that I'm behind in all my work and I'm doing this story, sitting here waiting for a match to start. It's sickening. So I'm just gonna write a little between each match.

We already won our first match with special guest star iGuapo. I straight up rushed the enemy base and built my own base right next to his. The pressure was too much for those Jimmys and we pwnd them!

Just won our second match. The Blue Jimmy quit out early. He must have fucked up his set up. Nnnnnnnnnnuab.

Cutter Tips and Tricks. At the beginning of the match - Don't accidently build a warthog, thinking you built a Elephant. 

Match #3 on Repos ...
Just got whopped by some 12 year old Jimmys! It was a long battle on Repository. The Jimmys had Covenant with 2 scarabs each with the healers on them. I fucked up not getting ODST's right away to fight those bitches. Fuck me. I need a drink.

I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, reheated some coffee from two hours ago and added some Bailey's. The pwnfest continues. Estrada is taking a break to feed Estrada chick her special formula. I'll play a round of singles. I just farted, so now fresh lingering morning fart Jimmy smell surrounds me.

3:33 pm Just railed some newb in singles. I haven't had a lot of wins in singles lately. This time around I focused on training ODST's right away and not drink the coffee and Bailey's so fast. I get the shakes and then I become real nervous that my squads aren't rising up fast enough. I go into panic mode. Then I realize that the Jimmy I'm playing doesn't have any other bases. I had 3, taking a 4th and he was no where to be seen.

4:01 pm Another singles match. Another Jimmy railed. He had the Prohet and tried to rush and destroy my base. He used up all of his resources while my army just stacked. This Jimmy didn't even have a shield on his base because he wanted as much resources as possible to try and rush me. Nubfarm! Get railed. Spartans for the win. Don't be a Jimmy.

5:30 pm. Now I'm getting wasted Jimmy! I'm so out of it right now, that I just checked the mail in my underwear. I didn't even realize I did not have my shorts on. It did feel good outside though.

5:34 pm Estrada is back on and the pwnfest continues. 2v2 match on ... we just got raiped. Tanks Jimmys. A Shit load of tank Jimmys. I just can compete with them sometime. That match lasted 1:42 mins. WOW!
Waiting for next match and steak.
After the steak. I downloaded some porn and watched some porn. Not in that order. Had a few more drinks and played the new Lara Croft XBLA game for 2 hours. The game is long and is really good. Best of the Summer of Arcade.

12:57 am Back on the Halo Wars looking for some nuabs. This time of night it gets real interesting. Las time we played at these hours we were in the MLG play lost of something. Not looking to go out like Jimmy tonight! 
Searching for a match, we get one, it says loading ... then we end up back in the lobby. The search continues for the first match this evening.

1:09 am Team railed. Rage quit! They came over to where I was setting up camp with 3 Spartans and a bunch of flame throwing and marine Jimmys. I almost killed the leader and then he teleported out of there like a bitch. Then Estrada rolled up on the Covenant leader base and that's when the raged quit.
Waiting for next match. 

1:38 am We just got destroyed. I don't want to talk about it waiting for the next match. 

2:04 am PWNN! Just destroyed another covenant nuab and a forge. As I drink more I become so focused in the game as if I were actually on the field commanding the troops. Unfortunately it's getting harder to type.

FUCK! C'mon bring on another match of nuabs. If I can get my Jimmys on the field fast. 3 Spartans and some tanks, I got security. If you are fighting against covenant, the best thing against any leader is the flame thrower Jimmys. The Jackals will rail right through them though so look out. The leader can't take the fire. It's hard to decide at the beginning. Now I'm just going for 3 Spartans and 3 tanks at the start just for security. Roll around, steal some bases, scare them away, so I have more time to get up ODST's.

Next match is starting. These two Jimmys quit straight away. Saw the Team Gouki double Cutter rush and just gave up.
Wow!

3:05 am Just went for about an hour. Thw two Jimmys tried to isolate themselves on this islands of this particular map. Well they left all of the other bases defenseless and couldn't' really get across the bridge they were defending. I had it all clogged up. Finally after some level MAC blasts and ODST drop and Hornets and building a barracks right on top of their base ... We killed them. Pwn.
Waiting for next match.

4:24 am Fought this last match for forever against one Jimmy. The covenant guy quit out pretty quick, but this tank Jimmy stayed in. I do not know what to do against tanks and everybody uses them. It sucks. Eventually we had to bring those big bad planes over the building and hit him with missile barrages fast enough so he can't rebuild his base.

The Jimmy (gamertag: xReefer) just sent me an Xbox live message. "i like losing to bad kids" What a jackass! That's what he gets for having no friends and using the tank strategy. 

Fuck this bed time. 


Check my stats on the Halo Wars website.

In the last 7 days I have played 49 hours of Halo Wars according to Raptr.

Team Gouki FTW!

Halo Wars

Jimmy seal of approval Jimmy Gem Winner

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12 Stories
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Release Date: Feb 26, 2009

Buy it! 41 % - Rent it! 45 % - Flush it! 14 %
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