Review: It's Pretty Obvious They Are Aliens. XCOM: Enemy Unknown Review.

goukijones Posted by: goukijones Nov 1, 2012 | 5 comments
Tagged: blithering-blathering blog review
View all stories by goukijones


XCOM: Enemy Unknown is a game that came out of know where. Last we saw of XCOM was an FPS at E3 2011 & then this game comes out first. Was this game rushed out the door for no reason?

XCOM is a turn based strategy game where you, as humans, battle aliens -or should I say, an unknown enemy- from space.  This is 1 of the most broken games in the recent era & definitely the top of 2012. I'm sure of it, 56 hours of gameplay sure of it. That's right, I've played the shit out of this game in just under a week. Now I'm just going to blither & blather about my experiences with XCOM. 

When I first started I had it on the number 3 difficulty. There's Jimmy, Normal, Classic, & Impossible. I figured, I'm pro, I can handle Classic no problem. I must have started over 3 or 4 times in the first 6 hour sesh. I knew if I didn't switch it to normal, I wasn't going to continue.

I was already aware by this point that the enemies can shoot thru walls, buildings, cars, whatever the fuck is on the screen like it wasn't even there. Just today on 1 of those stages where you have to save the humans hiding around the map, an alien, inside a building shoots thru the wall & a car to kill the human in hiding. That was 1 of the last straws right there. Oh you don't believe me how ridiculous this game is? I figured this miracle shooting thru walls must work for me the same way. So at 1 point I just moved up only in the space which allowed you still do 1 action & put all of my team in over watch. Sooner than later my squad was shooting thru the walls as well.


This is 1 of those occasions where I wrote everything above a few days ago. I was interrupted & then haven't got back to it until now. Shall we continue. :)

Not only could everybody just shoot thru walls. Another huge problem are the soldiers employed are the biggest fucking assholes in the world. It's like they're not even trying. When they miss a shot they say smart ass things like: "Adjusting aim." What the fuck do you mean adjusting aim? Haven't you been aiming at the alien the second we spotted him?

How does a guy with a machine gun, 5 feet away miss completely with a chance of 88% to hit? How does a sniper have less than 50% chance to hit from 10 feet away? Here now to explain more on the math & percentages in XCOM: Enemy Unknown is World Champion Wrestler Scott Steiner.

This video is the only thing I could think of while playing XCOM & any sort of percentage pops up & just when I think I got a sure shot, the Jimmy ass soldier completely misses. Miles over the aliens head. If this was an FPS, it would have been over a long time ago. If I were controlling the shooting in anyway, fuck me, if I were there in real life, I would have better odds on hitting these fucking aliens.

Over watch always seemed 50/50. Sometimes they didn't even bother to aim in Over watch.

Okay forget about all of that, I hope I've proven my point & please if anyone else is playing XCOM & having the same nasty feeling about this game as me, leave a comment. There still has to be something said about the 56 hours I played during this past week. There must be something I enjoyed about the game right?

The base building seems very rushed early in the game, you have to get satellite up links built, so you can launch satellites & protect the earth. Plus the storyline is rushing you to build a containment unit. I never had to build more that 1 containment unit, yet I was bringing aliens back with me all the time. Nobody said shit & from what I could tell I was getting all the perks, but just for the record, I didn't actually read any of the text y'know.

This was all on normal difficulty too, I start the game on classic & couldn't last a month running XCOM. A lot of that had to do with the fights, the aliens were laid out the exact same thru the levels, it just seemed like they had better odds to hit you. Which led to more criticals & more & more of your team getting killed off. 0 strategy, just higher luck. Way to program.

So the base idea didn't work out at all, the whole ant farm look thing is a great idea, but there is nothing to do with it, nothing to watch. I'm really trying to think of something I did like at this point, because I'm starting to feel bad about this review. Fuck this game.

There are mini-game air combat missions, where you have a jet or a modified space craft ship & you shoot down alien "UFO's," they call them. I love how the enemy is unknown & the alien space ships are UFO's. They obviously have to get somebody down there who has their shit together.

Anyway, you can create & upgrades for your little jets, a dodge, an accuracy boost, etc. On my most recent playthru I was so far behind with putting any money or effort into my air squadron, that I didn't have the right stuff to complete the next storyline mission. I needed parts from the little grey aliens, the very first ones in the game. I couldn't find them anywhere, a year must've passed in the game before I finally found a few. At last, I could build the part I needed to upgrade my new(old) alien space ship fighter to take down the big alien ship. Oh here we go, coming in contact with the big alien ship. Big alien ship shoots down my little alien ship in 3 shots. With all my boosts & upgrade bullshit on! Fuck it!

Now I have to build my ship & upgrades all over again. Jimmys in Cairo are in full on panic mode, I must send the Skyranger immediately. This is what happened.

I'm sure there's plenty I left out, like how Colonel's on the field with over 70 kills will all of the sudden flip out, go into panic mode & starting killing off their own teammates. I'm glad this game is over for me. I'm a little weary on the FPS XCOM, if that game will even ever see the light of day. The new Final Fantasy Tactics? Nope, not even close, I say to XCOM: Enemy Unknown FLUSH IT!


Blithering Blathering. I get to talking in my head when I write these stories. I imagine you sitting across from me & I just want to ramble off as much as I can remember about playing any particular game. If you read all that & watch the videos, thanks! :)

Create your own review about a game you've played. Vote, comment & share. Don't be a Jimmy!

XCOM: Enemy Unknown

5,678 Views
12 Stories

Release Date: Oct 9, 2012

Buy it! 50 % - Rent it! 25 % - Flush it! 25 %

Verdict: Flush It

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